Ahhh, GREAT HUH

LEND ME A PUP

I will lend to you for awile, a pup, God said, for you to love her
while she lives and mourn for her when she's dead.

Maybe for twelve for fourteen years or maybe two or three.
But will you, untill I call her back, take care of her for me.

She'll bring her charms to gladden you and should her stay
be brief, you'll always have her memories as solace for your grief.

I cannot promise she will stay, since all from earth return,
But there are lessons taught below, I want this pup to learn.

I've looked the whole world over in search of teachers true,
and from the folk that crowds life's land, I have chosen you.

Now will you give her all your love nor think the labor vain,
nor hate me when I come to take my Pup back again.

I fancied that I heard them say "Dear Lord Thy Will be Done,"
For all the joys this pup will bring, the risk of grief we'll run.

We'll shelter her with tenderness, we'll love her while we may,
And for the happiness we've known, forever grateful to her stay.

But should you call her back sooner than we've planned,
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes, and try to understand.

If, by our love, we've managed, your wishes to achieve,
In memory of her we ask you to help us while we grieve.

When our faithful bundle departs this world full of strife,
We'll have yet another pup, and love her all her life.

"DADDY PICKED THEM UP AND LOOKED UNDERNEATH," HE
REPLIED. "I THINK IT'S PRINTED ON THE BOTTOM.

THE GUYS SAYS, "YOU'RE RIGHT. I DON'T HAVE ANY MONEY, BUT IF I
SHOW YOU SOMETHING YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE, WILL YOU GIVE
A DRINK?"

THE BARTENDER SAYS "OK". DEAL SAYS THE GUY AND REACHES INTO
HIS COAT POCKET AND PULLS OUT A HAMPSTER.

HE PUTS THE HAMSTERS ON THE BAR AND IT RUNS TO THE END OF THE
OF THE BAR, DOWN THE BAR, ACROSS THE ROOM, UP THE PIANO,
JUMPS ON THE KEYBOARD AND STARTS PLAYING GERSHWIN SONGS.
AND THE HAMSTERS IS REALLY GOOD.

THE BARTENDER SAYS, "YOU'RE RIGHT. I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
LIKE THAT BEFORE. THAT HAMSTERS IS TRULY GOOD ON THE PIANO."
THE GUY DOWNS THE DRINK AND ASKS THE BARTENDER FOR ANOTHER.

"MONEY OR ANOTHER MIRACLE ELSE NO DRINK", SAYS THE BARTENDER.
THE GUY REACHES INTO HIS COAT AGAIN AND PULLS OUT A FROG.
HE PUTS THE FROG ON THE BAR, AND THE FROG STARTS TO SING.

HE HAS A MARVELOUS VOICE AND A GREAT PITCH. A FINE SINGER.
A STRANGER FROM THE OTHER END OF THE BAR RUNS OVER TO THE
GUY AND OFFERS HIM $300 FOR THE FROG.

THE GUYS SAYS" IT'S A DEAL." HE TAKES THE THREE HUNDRED AND
GIVES THE STRANGER THE FROG. THE STRANGER RUNS OUT OF THE BAR.
THE BARTENDER SAYS TO THE GUY "ARE YOU SOME KIND OF NUT?
YOU SOLD A SINGING FROG FOR $300? IT MUST HAVE BEEN WORTH
MILLIONS. YOU MUST BE CRAZY."

"NOT SO," SAYS THE GUY. "THE HAMSTERS IS ALSO A VENTRILOQUIST."

THE LION

A LION WOKE UP ONE MORNING FEELING REALLY ROWDY AND MEAN.
HE WENT OUT AND CORNERED A SMALL MONKEY AND ROARED,

"WHO IS MIGHTIEST OF ALL JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
THE TREMBLING MONKEY SAYS "YOU ARE, MIGHTY LION!"

LATER THE LION CONFRONTS A ARMADILLO AND FIERCELY BELLOWS,
"WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL JUNGLE ANIMALS?"
THE TERRIFIED ARMADILLO STAMMERS, "OH GREAT LION,
YOU ARE BY FAR THE MIGHTIEST ANIMAL IN THE JUNGLE!"

ON A ROLL NOW, THE LION SWAGGERS UP TO A ELEPHANT AND ROARS,
"WHO IS THE MIGHTIEST OF ALL JUNGLE ANIMALS?"

FAST AS LIGHTING, THE ELEPHANT SNATCHES UP THE LION WITH HIS
TRUNK, SLAMS HIM AGAINST A TREE HALF A DOZEN TIMES, MAKING
THE LION FELT LIKE IT HAD BEEN RUN OVER BY A SAFARI WAGON.

THE ELEPHANT THEN STOMPED THE LION UNTIL IT LOOKED LIKE A
HE HAD BEEN RUN OVER BY A BUS AND THEN AMBLED AWAY.

THE LION LET OUT A MOAN OF PAIN, LIFTED HIS HEAD WEAKLY AND
HOLLERED AFTER THE ELEPHANT, GEEZ, JUST BECAUSE YOU DON'T
KNOW THE ANSWER, YOU DON'T HAVE TO GET SO DARNED
MAD.

MERMAID

ONE DAY 3 FISHERMAN WER FISHING WHEN THEY CAUGHT A MERMAID.
I'LL GIVE YOU EACH A WISH IF YOU LET ME GO," THE MERMAID PROMISED.
THE MEN AGREED. (OF COURSE!!)

FIRST MAN: I WISH TO FIND A WAY TO FIX THE HOLE IN THE 0-ZONE LAYER.
"POOF"
AND THE MAN WENT OFF TO CALL THE PRESIDENT.

SECOND MAN: "I WISH TO KNOW SHAKESPEARE.
"POOF"

AND THE MAN WENT OFF RECITING "ROMEO AND JULIET, AND HAMLET.

THIRD MAN: "I WISH TO BE THE SMARTEST PERSON IN THE WORLD!"
THE MERMAID LOOKED WORRIED. "SIR, I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD
RECONSIDER.
3RD MAN: "YOU PROMISED."
MERMAID: "OK THEN, IF YOU INSIST." THE MERMAID CLOSED HER
EYES...AND *POOF*

HE WAS A WOMEN.

SORRY GUYS, BUT THE MADE ME DO IT.

Newest Thing

Click Here 
to send a FREE online
 Tid-Bits E-card!

If you have a 
wildlife oriented web site,
  CLICK HERE,
 to apply for a 
"Wildlife Aware Award"