TidBits#33

~TEN THINGS YOUR CAT THINKS ABOUT~

1.   I COULD HAVE SWORN I HEARD A CAN OPENER.
2.   IS THERE SOMETHING I'M NOT GETTING WHEN HUMANS
       MAKE NOISE WITH THEIR MOUTHS?
3.   WHY DOESN'T THE GOVERNMENT DO SOMETHING ABOUT
        DOGS?
4.   I WONDER IF MORRIS REALLY LIKED 9-LIVES, OR DID HE HAVE A
       HAVE A ULTERIOR MOTIVE?

5.   Hmmm... IF DOGS SERVE HUMANS, AND HUMANS SERVE CATS,
       WHY CAN'T WE CATS EVER GET THESE STUPID DOGS TO DO
       ANYTHING FOR US?
6.   THIS LOOKS LIKE A SPOT FOR A NAP.
7.   HEY -- NO KIDDING, I'M SURE THAT'S THE CAN OPENER.
8.   WOULD HUMANS HAVE BUILT A VAST AND COMPLEX
       CIVILIZATION OF THEIR OWN IF WE CATS HADN'T GIVEN THEM
       A REASON TO INVENT SOFAS AND CAN OPENERS IN THE FIRST
       PLACE?
9.   CATS AND TEENAGERS DO NOT IMPROVE ANYONE'S
       FURNITURE.
10. CATS THAT ARE FREE TO ROAM OUTSIDE SOMETIMES HAVE
        BEEN KNOWN TO RETURN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT TO
        DEPOSIT A DEAD ANIMAL IN YOUR BEDROOM. TEENAGERS ARE
        NOT ABOVE THAT SORT OF BEHAVIOR.

**** THUS, IF YOU MUST RAISE TEENAGERS, THE BEST SOURCES
          0F ADVICE ARE NOT OTHER PARENTS, BUT VETERINARIANS.
          IT IS ALSO A GOOD IDEA TO KEEP A GUIDEBOOK ON CATS ON
          HAND AT ALL TIMES.

**** AND REMEMBER, ABOVE ALL ELSE, PUT OUT THE FOOD AND DO
          NOT MAKE ANY SUDDEN MOVES IN THEIR DIRECTION. WHEN
          THEY MAKE UP THEIR MINDS, THEY WILL FINALLY COME TO
          YOU FOR SOME AFFECTION AND COMFORT, AND IT WILL BE
          A TRIUMPHANT MOMENT FOR ALL CONCERNED.
        Thanks Keatherwood

IS THIS A "HOT DOG" OR WHAT??
Thanks Carol W. Please send him to me ASAP- Less the mustard. Tom

~~CITY SLICKERS AND THE FARM~~

THE TUESDAY MORNING GARDEN CLUB, AN ORGANIZATION OF WEALTHY CITY WOMEN
MET AND DECIDED THAT NEXT MONTH'S OUTING WAS TO BE AT A DAIRY FARM.
MOST OF THEM HAD LIVED IN THE CITY ALL THEIR LIVES, AND HAD NEVER REALLY
BEEN TO A WORKING FARM. THE DAY CAME AND AFTER THEY ARRIVED THEY WERE
GREETED BY FARMER JONES WHO INVITED THEM TO LOOK HIM UP SHOULD THEY HAVE
ANY QUESTIONS.

ELLOISE, AFTER LOOKING ABOUT, AND BEING AMAZED BY WHERE SHE WAS, STEPPED
INTO A BUILDING AND VIEWED SOMETHING SHE THOUGHT WAS QUITE REMARKABLE.
SHE SAW THE FARMER WALK BY WITH A PAIL OF FRESH MILK AND HAILED HIM.
"MR. JONES," SHE INQUIRED. "WHY DOESN'T THIS COW HAVE HORNS?"
THE FARMER COCKED HIS HEAD FOR A MOMENT, THEN BEGAN IN A PATIENT TONE:
"WELL, MA'AM, FACT IS, CATTLE CAN DO A POWERFUL LOT OF DAMAGE WITH HORNS.
SOMETIMES WE KEEP'EM TRIMMED DOWN WITH A HACKSAW. OTHER TIMES WE CAN
FIX UP THE YOUNG 'UNS BY PUTTIN' A COUPLE OF DROPS OF ACID WHERE THEIR
HORNS WOULD GROW IN, AND THAT STOPS 'EM COLD. STILL, THERE ARE SOME
BREEDS OF CATTLE THAT NEVER GROW HORNS. BUT THE REASON THIS COW DON'T
HAVE NO HORNS, MA'AM, IS 'CAUSE THIS HERE'S A

HORSE."

~~~THE LIE~~~

A CLERGYMAN WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET WHEN HE COME UPON A
GROUP OF ABOUT A DOZEN BOYS, ALL OF THEM BETWEEN 10 AND 12 YEARS
OF AGE. THE GROUP SURROUNDED A DOG.

CONCERNED THE BOYS MIGHT BE HURTING THE DOG, HE WENT OVER AND
ASKED "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DOG?"
ONE OF THE BOYS REPLIED, "THIS DOG IS JUST AN OLD NEIGHBORHOOD
STRAY. WE ALL WANT HIM, BUT ONLY ONE OF US CAN TAKE HIM HOME.
SO WE'VE DECIDED THAT WHICHEVER ONE OF US CAN TELL THE BIGGEST
LIE WILL GET TO KEEP THE DOG."
OF COURSE, THE REVEREND WAS TAKEN ABACK. "YOU BOYS SHOULDN'T
BE HAVING A CONTEST TELLING LIES!" HE EXCLAIMED. HE THEN
LAUNCHED INTO A TEN MINUTE SERMON AGAINST LYING, BEGINNING,
"DON'T YOU BOYS KNOW IT'S A SIN TO LIE," AND ENDING WITH,
"WHY, WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE, I NEVER TOLD A LIE."

THERE WAS A DEAD SILENCE FOR ABOUT A MINUTE.
JUST AS THE REVEREND WAS BEGINNING TO THINK HE'D GOTTEN
THROUGH TO THEM, THE SMALLEST BOY GAVE DEEP SIGH AND SAID,

"ALL RIGHT GUYS, GIVE HIM THE DOG."

~~~COUNTING SHEEP~~~

A MAN WALKING ALONG A ROAD IN THE COUNTRYSIDE COMES ACROSS
A SHEPHERD AND A HUGE FLOCK OF SHEEP. STOPPING TO REST HE TELLS
THE SHEPHERD. "I WILL BET YOU $100 AGAINST ONE OF YOUR SHEEP THAT
I CAN TELL YOU THE EXACT NUMBER IN THIS FLOCK.."
THE SHEPHERD THINKS IT OVER; IT'S A BIG FLOCK, SO HE TAKES THE BET.
"973," SAYS THE MAN.

THE SHEPHERD IS ASTONISHED, BECAUSE THAT IS EXACTLY RIGHT,
THE SHEPHERD SAYS "OK, I'M A MAN OF MY WORD, TAKE AN ANIMAL."
THE MAN PICKS ONE UP AND BEGINS TO WALK AWAY.
"WAIT," CRIES THE SHEPHERD, "LET ME HAVE A CHANCE TO GET EVEN.
DOUBLE OR NOTHING THAT I CAN GUESS YOUR EXACT OCCUPATION."
THE MAN SAYS SURE. "YOUR ARE AN ACCOUNTANT FOR THE
GOVERNMENT," SAYS THE SHEPHERD. "AMAZING!" RESPONDS THE MAN,
"YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT! BUT TELL ME, HOW DID YOU DEDUCE THAT?"

"WELL," SAYS THE SHEPHERD "PUT DOWN MY DOG ."AND I WILL TELL YOU."

DON'T BUY THAT DOGGY IN THE
WINDOW.

Companion animals in our society (as reflected in our law) are considered no more than property, and this perception underlies much of our cultural abuse of these animals. The discarding of unwanted animals is common, even socially acceptable behavior: an estimated 25 million animals become homeless every year (of which 27% are purebred dogs). Of these 25 million homeless animals, an average of 9 million die on the streets from disease, starvation, exposure, or injury; 16 million die in pounds/shelters (50% are turned in by their caretakers).
The cause for the senseless death of these "pets" is the consumer who just can't resist that adorable kitten, puppy, bunny, etc. at the pet store. This perpetuates and subsidizes the intentional breeding of these animals, who will probably eventually end up in the street or a shelter. Then if the buyer doesn't spay or neuter the animal, the problem increase exponentially.
A common form of breeding puppies is in low-budget, backyard breeding factories. In many of these puppy mills, one will find overcrowding, filth, and malnourished/neglected animals. Approximately, 360,000 of these unhealthy puppies are sold to pet stores and at least 90% of the half million purebred puppies sold in pet stores are from puppy mills.
Pet stores, like puppy mills, are a business, and so profit is the prime motivator. For example, Docktor Pet Center (popular nationwide pet store chain) has had 812 animal cruelty charges brought against the stores in five different states since 1987. An inherent problem with the stores is that not all of the "goods" get purchased, so they will be discarded to provide space for younger, more desired animals.
We already have an overpopulation crisis for companion animals. Instead of purchasing your next pet from a pet store which supports and creates animal abuse, go to your local animal shelter and adopt an animal. You can save him or her from a fate of death or life. Please spay or neuter your pet in order to prevent adding to the overpopulation problem. The blame for companion animal overpopulation rests with human. We caused those desperate, tortured eyes looking out from behind the bars, and only we have the power to save them.

"I STOOD BY YOUR BED LAST NIGHT"

I STOOD BY YOUR BED LAST NIGHT. I CAME TO HAVE A PEEP.
I COULD SEE THAT YOU WERE CRYING. YOU FOUND IT HARD TO SLEEP.

I WHINED TO YOU SOFTLY AS YOU BRUSHED AWAY A TEAR,
"IT'S ME, I HAVEN'T LEFT YOU, I'M WELL, I'M FINE I'M HERE."

I WAS CLOSE TO YOU AT BREAKFAST, I WATCHED YOU POUR THE TEA.
YOU WERE THINKING OF THE MANY TIMES, YOUR HANDS REACHED DOWN
FOR ME.

I WAS WITH YOU AT THE SHOPS TODAY. YOUR ARMS WERE GETTING SORE.
I LONGED TO TAKE YOUR PARCELS, I WISH I COULD DO MUCH MORE.

I WAS WITH YOU AT MY GRAVE TODAY, YOU TEND IT WITH SUCH CARE.
I WANT TO REASSURE YOU, THAT I'M NOT LYING THERE.

I WALKED WITH YOU TOWARDS THE HOUSE, AS YOU FUMBLED WITH
YOUR KEY.
I GENTLY PUT MY PAW ON YOU, I SMILED AND SAID "IT'S ME."

YOU LOOKED SO VERY TIRED, AND SANK INTO A CHAIR.
I TRIED SO HARD TO LET YOU KNOW, THAT I WAS STANDING THERE.

IT'S POSSIBLE FOR ME, TO BE SO NEAR YOU EVERYDAY.
TO SAY TO YOU WITH CERTAINTY, "I NEVER WENT AWAY."

YOU SAT VERY QUIETLY, THEN SMILED, I THINK YOU KNEW.
IN THE STILLNESS OF THAT EVENING. I WAS VERY CLOSE TO YOU.

THE DAY IS OVER. I SMILE AND WATCH YOU DO YOUR YAWNING.
I'LL SAY "GOODNIGHT, GOD BLESS, I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING."

AND WHEN THE TIME IS RIGHT FOR YOU TO CROSS THE BRIEF DIVIDE,
I'LL RUSH ACROSS TO GREET YOU AND WE'LL STAND SIDE BY SIDE.

I HAVE SO MANY THINGS TO SHOW YOU, THERE IS SO MUCH FOR YOU TO SEE.
BE PATIENT, LIVE YOUR JOURNEY OUT. THEN COME HOME TO BE WITH ME.

Author unknown. Thanks Max M.

THAT'S IT FOR TID-BITS # 33

I HOPE EVERYONE ENJOYED IT AND YOU WILL RECOMMEND IT TO
ALL YOUR FRIENDS. JUST DROP THEM A E-MAIL AND TELL THEM
IT'S FREE. YOU CAN'T BEAT THE PRICE.
WE HAVE HAD NO SUBSCRIBERS SINCE THE LAST TID-BITS.
BUT THEN THAT'S MY LUCK.

TOM

TAKE CARE TO ALL AND REMEMBER "HUG YOUR PET TODAY"
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HUG'S TO ALL, TOM

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