TID-BITS 31

~~THE WHITE GORILLA~~

A MAN READS IN THE PAPER OF A WHITE GORILLA IN A ZOO FAR AWAY. HE 
DECIDES THAT HE JUST HAS TO SEE IT. THE JOURNEY WILL BE  A LONG AND ARDUOUS
ONE BUT HE SIMPLY CANNOT RESIST. HE SETS OUT ON HIS TRIP AND TRAVELS BY CAR
TO THE DOCKS, AND CATCHES A BOAT ACROSS A HUGE OCEAN.
AFTER WEEKS OF SEA TRAVEL HE ARRIVES AT THE OTHER SIDE AND TAKES A TRAIN
TO THE ZOO. WHEN HE SEES THE WHITE GORILLA HE CAN'T BELIEVE HIS EYES,
IT'S THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING HE'S EVER SEEN. HE SIMPLY MUST GET A CLOSER LOOK,
SO HE GOES TO THE ZOO MANAGER AND BEGS TO BE ALLOWED INTO THE GORILLA'S
CAGE. AFTER MUCH ARGUING THE MAN FINALLY PERSUADES THE MANAGER TO LET
HIM IN INTO THE GORILLA'S CAGE, BUT BEFORE HE DOES HE TELLS THE MAN THAT
WHATEVER HE DOES HE MUST NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TOUCH THE WHITE
GORILLA. THE MAN AGREES AND IS LED TO THE CAGE.
HE TIP-TOES INTO THE CAGE AND IS AMAZED, THE GORILLA IS EVEN MORE 
BEAUTIFUL CLOSE UP THEN IT WAS FROM A DISTANCE. THE WHITE GORILLA  JUST SITS
QUIETLY AND LOOKS AT THE MAN. AFTER A WHILE THE MAN GETS USE TO BEING SO
CLOSE TO THE GORILLA AND IT SEEMS SO PEACEFUL AND CALM THAT HE STARTS TO
TO THINK THAT THERE CAN'T BE ANY HARM IN TOUCHING THE GORILLA.
HE SLOWLY MOVES CLOSER AND CLOSER TO IT, ALL THE TIME THE WHITE GORILLA
JUST LOOKS CALMLY AT HIM. HE REACHES OUT HIS ARM AND GENTLY TOUCHES
THE GORILLA. JUST AS HIS ARM  MAKES CONTACT THE GORILLA JUMPS UP AND STARTS
ROARING. THE MAN TURNS AND RUNS TO THE EXIT, GETTING THERE JUST BEFORE
THE GORILLA. HE LEAPS THROUGH THE DOOR AND THE KEEPERS SLAM THE DOOR
JUST IN TIME. THE GORILLA, PULLS AT THE DOOR AND TO THE MAN'S HORROR
 THE BARS START TO BEND. THE MAN RUNS OUT OF THE ZOO
 AND TO THE TRAIN STATION AND JUMPS ON THE TRAIN,
          
WHICH AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT IS JUST LEAVING. HE GLANCES BACK AND CAN SEE THE
GORILLA CHASING AFTER THE TRAIN, BUT NOT GAINING ON IT. THE TRAIN ARRIVES
AT THE DOCKS AND THE MAN QUICKLY SCAMPERS ABOARD THE SHIP.

THE SHIP LEAVES AND THE MAN THINKS HE'S SAFE AT LAST. HE RELAXES AND STARTS
TO ENJOY THE LEISURELY CRUISE BACK ACROSS THE OCEAN. THE DAY THERE'RE
DUE BACK IN PORT HE'S WALKING ON DECK WHEN HE SEES A SMALL SHAPE IN THE 
WATER TRAILING BEHIND THE SHIP. HE CAN'T MAKE IT OUT SO HE BORROWS A 
PAIR OF BINOCULARS FROM SOMEONE, HE FOCUSES THE BINOCULARS ON THE 

SMALL SHAPE AND IS HORRIFIED TO DISCOVER THAT IT'S THE WHITE GORILLA
SWIMMING BEHIND THE SHIP. IT MUST HAVE BEEN THERE ALL ALONG.
 THE BOAT THEN ARRIVES IN PORT AND THE MAN HURRIES THROUGH CUSTOMS AND
RUSHES TO HIS CAR. HE DRIVES OFF JUST IN TIME TO SEE THE GORILLA CLIMBING
OUT OF THE OCEAN FROM HIS REAR VIEW MIRROR. HE DRIVES AS FAST AS HE CAN

TO HIS HOUSE AND RUNS IN LOCKING THE DOOR BEHIND HIM. ALL THE TIME BEING 
FOLLOWED BY THE HUGE WHITE GORILLA. THE GORILLA STARTS POUNDING ON THE
DOOR AND HAVING SEEN WHAT IT DID TO THE CAGE AT THE ZOO THE MAN KNOWS
IT WON'T TAKE IT VERY LONG TO GET IN. HE RUNS FROM ROOM TO ROOM TRYING
TO THINK OF A PLACE HE CAN HIDE. HE HEARS THE DOOR SHATTER AND DIVES INTO
A WARDROBE CLOSET AND PULLS THE DOOR CLOSED BEHIND HIM.
OUTSIDE THE GORILLA IS GOING MAD TRYING TO FIND THE MAN. HE'S RIPPING THINGS
UP AND TEARING OUT DOORS. FINALLY HE COMES TO THE WARDROBE CLOSET THE
MAN IS HIDING IN AND RIPS THE DOOR OFF. THE GORILLA SEES THE MAN AND SMILES,
REACHES OUT A MASSIVE HAND AND GENTLY TOUCHES THE MAN AND SAYS....

"TAG YOU'RE IT."

"MY HERO"   YOUNG TIGER WOODS
Thanks Judy

THIS DOG WILL EAT ANYTHING

THIS DOG WILL EAT ANYTHING.
APPLE CORES AND BACON FAT,
MILK YOU POURED OUT FOR THE CAT.
HE LIKES THE STRING THAT TIES THE ROAST,
AND RELISHES HOT BUTTERED TOAST.

HIDE YOUR CHOCOLATES, HE'S A THIEF,
HE'LL EVEN EAT YOUR HANDKERCHIEF!
AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE SUDDEN SHOCKS,
CAREFULLY CONCEAL YOUR DIRTY SOCKS.

LEAVE SOME SOUP WITHOUT A LID,
AND YOU'LL WISH YOU NEVER DID.
WHEN YOU THINK HE MUST BE FULL,
YOU'LL FIND HIM GOBBLING BITS OF WOOL.

ORANGE PEEL AND PAPER BAGS,
DUSTERS AND OLD CLEANING RAGS.
THIS DOG WILL EAT ANYTHING,
EXCEPT FOR MUSHROOMS AND CUCUMBER.
NOW WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE I WONDER?

Thanks "Country Cool"                 by James Hurley

WHAT DO THESE ANIMALS SAY?

A MOTHER WAS READING A BOOK ABOUT
ANIMALS TO HER 3 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER:
MOTHER: "WHAT DOES THE COW SAY?"
CHILD: "MOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
MOTHER: "GREAT! WHAT DOES A CAT SAY?"
CHILD "MEOW."
MOTHER: "OH YOU'RE SO SMART!
WHAT DOES THE FROG SAY?"
THE WIDE-EYED LITTLE THREE-YEAR OLD
LOOKED UP AT HER MOTHER AND REPLIED,

"BUD."

THE LIFE OF A PUPPY

THIS MORNING, I WOKE UP AND KISSED MY DAD'S HEAD.
I PEED ON THE CARPET, THEN WENT BACK TO BED.
"THE LIFE OF A PUPPY, OH MY," THIS IS GREAT."
THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT BREAKFAST, "I HOPE IT'S NOT LATE."

MOM TOOK ME OUTSIDE, WE WALKED FOR A WHILE.
THIS NEVER FAILS TO MAKE MAMA SMILE.
I SNIFFED OF EVERYTHING, THAT WE DID PASS.
I  ATE SOMETHING WEIRD - IT GAVE ME GAS.

I'M SURE GOD LOVES ME, I KNOW THAT IS TRUE.
HE GAVE ME SO MANY GREAT THINGS TO CHEW.
RUGS, PLANTS OR ROCKS, I REALLY DON'T CARE.
WHAT I TRULY LIKE BEST, IS DAD'S UNDERWEAR.

THAT OBEDIENCE BOOK, WAS SORT OF YUMMY.
THOUGH IT DIDN'T SIT WELL ON MY POOR PUPPY TUMMY.
I THREW UP A BIT, BUT THAT WAS ALL RIGHT,
WHEN MOM FOUND IT LATER, I WAS WELL OUT OF SIGHT.

I MADE STREAMERS OF THE NEWS PAPER WHILE RUNNING AT FULL SPEED.
MOM IS PRETTY QUICK  --  BUT I WAS STILL IN THE LEAD.
I FLEW UNDER THE BED, AND MOM FLEW PAST. 
SHE STOPPED-SHOOK HER HEAD AND SAID "YOUR TO FAST".

MAMMA LATER PHONED DADDY AND SAID "IT WAS FRIGHTENING!"
THAT AFTERNOON SHE WAS SURE I'D POOPED LIGHTNING.
SHE'D SAT AT THE COMPUTER, WHILE I CHEWED THE CORD,
SHE THOUGHT I WAS MAD, BUT I WAS JUST BORED.

WHEN MAMA HAD ENOUGH, COULDN'T TAKE ANYMORE,
THAT'S WHEN MY LITTLE BUTT GOT SHOVED OUT THE DOOR.
I LOVE IT INSIDE, BUT OUTSIDE IS BEST.
LAY IN THE COOL GRASS  AND HAD A GOOD REST.

THAT DIDN'T LAST LONG, THERE WAS TOO MUCH TO DO,
CAN'T QUITE REMEMBER WHERE I HID DADDY'S SHOE.
I FOUND A OLD BONE AND SCRATCHED AT A FLEA,
I WATCHED THE DUMB SQUIRRELS AS THE JUMPED IN TREE.

I BARKED AT THE KIDS WHEN THEY GOT OFF THE BUS.
I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY THIS MAKES MAMA FUSS.
I BARKED AT THE NEIGHBOR, I BARKED AT THE WIND.
I BARKED AND BARKED UNTIL MOM YELLED "COME IN."

THE SUN DIPPED IN THE WEST - SOON DADDY WOULD COME!
I SURE LOVE MY DADDY, WE ALWAYS HAVE FUN.
I BARKED AT MY DADDY, THEN TURNED ON MY CHARMS,
I WOO-WOOED, "HELLO," THEN JUMPED IN HIS ARMS.

SITTING UNDER THE TABLE - IT'S SO HARD TO WAIT.
DADDY SLIPPED ME A GOODIE RIGHT OFF HIS PLATE.
I RACED THROUGH THE HOUSE, AND SCATTERED MY TOYS,
RICOCHETED OFF THE FURNITURE, AND MADE LOTS OF NOISE.

MOM FOUND HER PURSE - THE ONE I ABUSED.
DADDY LET LOOSE A CHUCKLE, MOM ASKED "AMUSED??"
I COWERED DOWN LOW, I MUST BE IN TROUBLE.
DAD SAID, "WASN'T MY BOY, IT MUST BE HIS DOUBLE!"

MOM TURNED OFF THE TV, AND SAID "TIME FOR BED."
DAD SAID "LET'S GO BOY," AND PATTED MY HEAD.
I GOT IM MY SPOT, BETWEEN MOM AND DAD,
I THOUGHT ABOUT MY DAY AND WHAT FUN I HAD.

MAMA KICKED OUT MY BONE FROM THE COVERS BELOW,
THEN LET LOOSE A SIGH -- A SIGH DEEP AND LOW.
SHE GAVE ME A KISS AND SNUGGLED ME TIGHT,
AND WHISPERED SO SOFTLY, "MY DARLING GOOD NIGHT."

Thanks Fran.

~~JUST WHAT IS A CAT?~~

22%   PURRING AND CUDDLING.
25%   CUTENESS.
03%   BAD BREATH.
17%   DISRESPECT FOR YOUR FURNITURE.
15%   LITTER BOX ODOR.
75%   EASIER THEN A DOG.
25%   VET BILLS. 
50%   LESS SPACE THEN THE SUNDAY PAPER.
11%   INAPPROPRIATE PEE AND POOPS, (SOMETIMES MISSING THE
           BOX ALTOGETHER.)
03%   COUGHED UP FUR-BALLS.
75%   FOUL SMELLING CANNED MEALS.
03%   VIOLENT ATTACKS ON YOUR ANKLES.
10%   NOISY LATE NIGHT ANNOYANCE OF NEIGHBORS.
100% CHANCE OF KITTENS IF NEUTERING IS NEGLECTED.
10%   ADORABLE ANTICS.
15%   EVIL INTENT.
02%   SCRATCHES THAT BLEED AND PUFF UP.
05%   BABY BIRD ATROCITIES.
05%   EAR MITES.
05%   FLEAS.
67%   NAPS.

           A CAT WILL NEVER LEARN: THAT A VACUUM CLEANER IS
           NOT AN AGENT OF THE DEVIL.

I'D RATHER EAT DOG FOOD THAN RAISE ANOTHER HUMAN

WHEN IS WAS JUST A KITTEN MY MOTHER SAID TO ME.
"SOMEDAY, YOU'LL HAVE A HUMAN PET, THEY'RE CUDDLY AND THERE FREE."
 
SHE SAID "THEY'RE AWFUL CLUMSY, THEY STUMBLE, TRIP, AND FALL.
THEY CANNOT EVEN SEE A CAT SLEEPING IN A HALL."

"THEY ACT AS IF THEY OWN THE PLACE, THEY'RE BOSSY EVERY DAY".
"YOU'LL LEARN YOU MUST IGNORE THEM IT'S JUST THE HUMAN WAY."

SO, I TOOK MY MOM'S ADVICE , I GOT A HUMAN PET.
I HAVE NAMED HER GINNY, AND SHE'S CUDDLY AS THEY GET.

OWNING GINNY'S BEEN SOME FUN, AND USUALLY WE ARE FRIENDS.
BUT SHE HAS BEEN A HANDFUL, I'M GLAD SHE WASN'T TWINS.

HUMANS REALLY AREN'T TOO BRIGHT THEIR BRAINS ARE SMALL, I GUESS.
WHILE TRYING HARD TO TRAIN HER I'VE NOT HAD MUCH SUCCESS.

SHE DOESN'T SEEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW THINGS ARE POSED TO BE.
SHE INSISTS ON BEING HEADSTRONG, NOT MELLOWED OUT LIKE ME.

SHE HASN'T LEARNED TO LICK HERSELF TO KEEP HER BODY CLEAN.
AND WHEN IT COMES TO PURRING SHE ISN'T VERY KEEN.

SHE PLAYS ON HER COMPUTER JUST WASTING TIME AWAY.
WHEN PLAYING WITH A BALL OF STRING COULD REALLY MAKE HER DAY.

SHE'S SEEMS CONTENT TO SIT THERE BANGING ON THOSE KEYS
WHILE I INSPECT HER ANKLES CHECKING THEM FOR FLEAS.

WHEN MY NEIGHBORS VISIT ME, WE SNEAK OUT TO THE BUSHES.
WE LAUGH ABOUT OUR HUMAN PETS WHILE SITTING ON OUR TUSHES.

I SUSPECT SHE IS SNIFFING CATNIP AS ONE DAY SHE GOT HIGH.
SHE TRIED TO THROW ME IN THE SINK, IT WAS FULL OF CHARTREUSE DYE.

GINNY'S GETTING UP IN YEARS AND BECOMING RATHER SLOW.
THERE ARE A LOT OF CATS OUT THERE WHO'D SAY "SHE HAS TO GO."

BUT I'M INCLINED TO KEEP HER I'VE CONSIDERED THIS ALLOT.
WHY TRAIN ANOTHER HUMAN PET WHEN I LOVE THE ONE I GOT.

Thanks MARGET   

.

~~LITTLE PUPPY~~

LITTLE PUPPY, SITTING THERE
IN THE FIELD MIDST DAISIES FAIR,
WARY-EYED YOU  LOOK AT ME;
ARE YOU LOST ... OR COULD IT BE
SOMEONE PUT YOU IN THIS PLACE
ALL ALONE THIS WORLD TO FACE.

SOON THE SUN WILL FADE FROM SIGHT
AND THE DAY WILL TURN TO NIGHT.
YOU'VE NO DRINK OR FOOD TO EAT;
COME, I'LL TAKE YOU HOME WITH ME.

LITTLE THINGS NEED LOVING CARE,
PERHAPS THAT'S WHY THE LORD PUT ME
HERE.
I KNOW IT WILL BE HARD TO FORGET
THE PERSON THAT MADE YOU A "THROW-
AWAY PET."
TIME WILL HEAL ALL YOUR SORROW.
YOU'LL BE A PERMANENT PET IN MY
HOUSE TOMORROW.

I PRAY THAT I WILL BE A TOOL
TO WIPE AWAY THE HUMANS CRUEL.

Tom Rudge

Whew, that's it for Tid-Bits 31

Tom

Gee, I hope you all enjoyed it. I keep trying to make it smaller
so that it won't take so long to download but if I do that I
will have to cut way back on the animations. So I 
apologize for the inconvenience of the long downloading
of Tid-Bits, it just can't be helped. I want to thank all the
new subscribers. I hope you enjoy our little animal fun page.
IF SO, PLEASE LET ME KNOW. I LOVE
YOUR COMMENTS GOOD OR BAD..
Any input is welcome. Just e-mail me at: 
trudge@cfl.rr.com 
ICQ 2709551

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Hug's to all and may God Bless

Tom 

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