To Tid-Bits # 30

Caught in the act. This is going to far.
What will the neighbors think??

~PIG TO THE BALL GAME~

A MAN WAS DRIVING DOWN THE ROAD IN THE COUNTRY. HE LOOKED
AND SAW A BABY PIG IN THE FIELD. HE STOPPED AND PICKED UP THE PIG.
HE WAS DRIVING AROUND TOWN WITH THE PIG IN HIS CAR AND A COP
PULLS HIM OVER. THE COP SAYS "HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH
THAT PIG IN THE CAR", THE MAN SAYS "WELL, I JUST FOUND THE PIG
BESIDE THE ROAD IN A FIELD." THE COP SAYS "I WANT YOU TO TAKE
THAT PIG TO A ZOO!" THE DRIVER AGREES  AND PROCEEDS TO THE ZOO.

THE NEXT DAY THE SAME COP SEES THE MAN DRIVING AROUND AGAIN
AND PULLS HIM OVER. "WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING WITH THAT PIG?
I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO TAKE HIM TO THE ZOO!!"
THE MAN REPLIED, "WELL I DID TAKE THE PIG TO THE ZOO. WE HAD
SUCH A GOOD TIME WE ARE GOING TO THE BALL GAME NOW."

SOMEONE WHO UNDERSTANDS

A FARMER HAD SOME PUPPIES HE NEEDED TO SELL. HE PAINTED A SIGN ADVERTISING
THE PUPS AND SET ABOUT NAILING IT TO A POST ON THE EDGE OF HIS YARD.
AS HE WAS DRIVING THE LAST NAIL INTO THE POST, HE FELT A TUG ON HIS OVERALLS.
HE LOOKED DOWN INTO THE EYES OF A LITTLE BOY.

"MISTER," HE SAID "I WANT TO BUY ONE OF YOUR PUPPIES." "WELL," SAID THE
FARMER, AS HE RUBBED THE SWEAT OFF THE BACK OF HIS NECK, "THESE PUPPIES
COME FROM FINE PARENTS AND COST A GOOD DEAL OF MONEY." THE BOY DROPPED
FOR A MOMENT, THEN REACHING DEEP INTO THIS POCKET, HE PULLED OUT A 
HANDFUL OF CHANGE AND HELD IT UP TO THE FARMER.

"I'VE GOT THIRTY-FIVE CENTS. IS THAT ENOUGH TO TAKE A LOOK?'
"SURE," SAID THE FARMER. AND WITH THAT HE LET OUT A WHISTLE, "HERE
DOLLY!" HE CALLED. OUT FROM THE DOGHOUSE AND DOWN THE RAMP RAN
DOLLY FOLLOWED BY FOUR LITTLE BALLS OF FUR. THE LITTLE BOY PRESSED HIS
FACE AGAINST THE CHAIN LINK FENCE. HIS EYES DANCED WITH DELIGHT.
AS THE DOGS MADE THEIR WAY TO THE FENCE, THE LITTLE BOY NOTICED
SOMETHING ELSE STIRRING INSIDE THE DOGHOUSE. SLOWLY ANOTHER LITTLE
BALL APPEARED; THIS ONE NOTICEABLY SMALLER. DOWN THE RAMP IT SLID.
THEN IN SOMEWHAT AWKWARD MANNER THE LITTLE PUP BEGAN HOPPLING
TOWARD THE OTHERS, DOING ITS BEST TO CATCH UP...."I WANT THAT ONE,"
THE LITTLE BOY SAID, POINTING TO THE RUNT.

THE FARMER KNELT DOWN AT THE BOY'S SIDE AND SAID, "SON, YOU DON'T
WANT THAT PUPPY. HE WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO RUN AND PLAY WITH YOU LIKE
THESE OTHER DOGS WOULD." WITH THAT THE LITTLE BOY BEGAN ROLLING
UP ONE LEG OF THIS TROUSERS. IN DOING SO HE REVEALED A STEEL BRACE
RUNNING DOWN BOTH SIDES OF HIS LEG ATTACHING ITSELF TO A SPECIALLY
MADE SHOE. LOOKING BACK UP TO THE FARMER, HE SAID, "YOU SEE SIR, I DON'T
RUN TO WELL MYSELF, AND HE WILL NEED SOME WHO UNDERSTANDS."
"SOLD" SAID THE FARMER.
Thanks Dot

~~THE TALKING DOG~~


A MAN TRIED TO SELL HIS NEIGHBOR A DOG. "THIS IS A TALKING
DOG," HE SAID. "AND YOU CAN HAVE HIM FOR FIVE DOLLARS."
THE NEIGHBOR SAID, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE KIDDING
WITH THIS TALKING DOG STUFF? THERE ISN'T NO SUCH ANIMAL.
SUDDENLY THE DOG LOOKED UP WITH TEARS IN HIS EYES.
"PLEASE BY ME SIR," HE PLEADED. "THIS MAN IS CRUEL. HE 
NEVER BUYS ME A MEAL, NEVER BATHES ME, NEVER TAKES ME
FOR A WALK AND I USED TO BE THE RICHEST TRICK DOG IN 
AMERICA. I PERFORMED BEFORE KINGS. I WAS IN THE ARMY
AND WAS DECORATED TEN TIMES.
"HEY!" SAID THE NEIGHBOR. "HE CAN TALK. WHY DO YOU WANT
TO SELL HIM FOR JUST FIVE DOLLARS?"
"BECAUSE," SAID THE SELLER, "I'M GETTING SICK AND TIRED
OF ALL HIS LIES.
(Thanks Jan)

THE CAT'S GIFTS

WHEN GOD MADE THE WORLD, HE CHOSE TO PUT ANIMALS IN IT, AND DECIDED TO
GIVE WHATEVER IT WANTED. ALL THE ANIMALS FORMED A LONG LINE BEFORE
HIS THRONE, AND THE CAT QUIETLY WENT TO THE END OF THE LINE.
TO THE ELEPHANT AND BEAR HE GAVE STRENGTH, TO THE RABBIT AND THE 
DEER, SWIFTNESS; TO THE OWL, THE ABILITY TO SEE AT NIGHT, TO THE BIRDS
AND THE BUTTERFLIES; GREAT BEAUTY, TO THE FOX; CUNNING, TO THE MONKEY,
INTELLIGENCE; TO THE DOG, LOYALTY; TO THE LION, COURAGE; TO THE OTTER,
PLAYFULNESS. AND ALL THESE WERE THINGS THE ANIMALS BEGGED OF GOD.
AT LAST HE CAME TO THE END OF THE LINE, AND THERE SAT THE CAT.
"WHAT WILL YOU HAVE?" THE CAT SHRUGGED MODESTLY. "OH, WHATEVER SCRAPS
YOU HAVE LEFT OVER. I DON'T MIND." "BUT I'M GOD. I HAVE EVERYTHING LEFT
OVER." "THEN I'LL HAVE A LITTLE OF EVERYTHING, PLEASE."
AND GOD GAVE A GREAT SHOUT OF LAUGHTER AT THE CLEVERNESS OF THIS 
SMALL ANIMAL, AND GAVE THE CAT EVERYTHING SHE ASKED FOR, ADDING
GRACE AND ELEGANCE AND, ONLY FOR HER, A GENTLE PURR THAT WOULD
ALWAYS ATTRACT HUMANS AND ASSURE HER A WARM AND COMFORTABLE
HOME. BUT HE TOOK AWAY HER FALSE MODESTY.

by Lenore Flesicher                     thanks Janus7

"COURAGE AND FAITH"

AFTER MISSING HIS SHOT, THE HUNTER WAS BEING CHASED BY THE TIGER.
 HE RAN AS HARD AS HE COULD UNTIL HE WAS AT THE EDGE OF A CLIFF WITH THE TIGER IN HOT PURSUIT. THE MAN LOOKED OVER THE EDGE OF THE
CLIFF AND SAW A BRANCH GROWING OUT OF THE SIDE OF THE
CLIFF A FEW FEET DOWN. HE JUMPED DOWN AND GRABBED THE 
BRANCH JUST AS THE TIGER REACHED THE CLIFF. THE TIGER

GROWLED VICIOUSLY AS THE MAN SIGHED A GREAT SIGH OF RELIEF.

JUST THEN A MOUSE CAME OUT FROM A CREVICE AND BEGAN
TO CHEW ON THE BRANCH. THE MAN LOOKED DOWN TO WHAT
WAS A DROP OF A THOUSAND FEET AND SURE DEATH.
THE MAN LOOKED TO THE HEAVENS AND YELLED OUT, 
"DEAR GOD, IF YOU ARE THERE, PLEASE HELP. I WILL DO 
ANYTHING YOU ASK BUT PLEASE HELP."

SUDDENLY A VOICE CAME BOOMING DOWN FROM HEAVEN,
"YOU WILL DO ANYTHING I ASK?" IT QUESTIONED.
THE MAN SHOCKED TO HEAR A REPLY TO HIS PLEA YELLED 
BACK, "I WILL GLADLY DO ANYTHING YOU ASK, BUT PLEASE
 SAVE ME.

THE VOICE FROM HEAVEN THEN REPLIED, "THERE IS ONE WAY
TO SAVE YOU BUT IT WILL TAKE COURAGE AND FAITH, AND
YOU ALSO MUST GIVE UP THE HUNTING OF MY CREATIONS."
THE BRANCH BEGAN TO WEAKEN FROM THE MOUSE AND THE TIGER
WAS STILL GROWLING A FEW FEET ABOVE THE MAN,

"PLEASE, LORD, TELL ME WHAT I MUST DO AND I WILL DO IT.
YOUR WILL IS MY WILL." "ALL RIGHT THEN, LET GO OF THE BRANCH."
THE MAN LOOKED DOWN TO A FALL OF A THOUSAND FEET AND
CERTAIN DEATH. HE LOOKED AT THE HUNGRY TIGER A FEW FEET
AWAY AND HE LOOKED AT THE MOUSE STILL CHEWING ON THE
BRANCH.  THE HUNTER QUICKLY WEIGHED HIS OPTIONS, THEN
 HE LOOKED UP AT THE HEAVENS AND YELLED,

"IS THERE ANYONE ELSE UP THEIR I CAN DEAL WITH?"

**PLEASE DO NOT REPRINT WITHOUT PERMISSION FROM TOM.**

~~~ARE YOU A VIEWER OR A DOER??~~~

SMALL EDITORIAL FROM TOM
****
SIXTY SIX MANATEES WERE KILLED IN FLORIDA LAST YEAR. WHY? AND WHO IS AT FAULT?
I HATE TO TELL YOU READERS, WE ALL ARE. OH YES, WE ARE ALL TRAPPED IN THE SYSTEM.
HOW DO WE ELECT OUR OFFICIALS?  ALLOT OF US JUST FLIP A COIN OR STRICTLY BY PARTY.
HAVE YOU EVER WONDERED WHY A POLITICIAN WILL SPEND MILLIONS OF DOLLARS
TO GET A JOB THAT PAYS MUCH LESS. JUST WHERE DOES THAT MONEY COME FROM?
IT COMES FROM P.A.C.'S. (POLITICAL ACTION COMMITTEES). BIG COMPANIES AND CORPORATIONS
PUMPING MONEY INTO THE ELECTION COFFERS OF THOSE WHO WILL REPAY THE FAVORS. 
 THESE POLITICIANS MUST BOW TO THEM IF THEY WANT TO GET RE-ELECTED.
 IT'S A FACT AND WE WILL NEVER SEE THE END TO IT. HOW DO WE FIND OUT ABOUT THESE  PEOPLE 
RUNNING FOR OFFICE?  MOSTLY BY THE MEDIA. THIS IS A VERY COSTLY EXPENSE. SO BOTTOM
LINE IS,  IF YOU GOT THE MONEY YOU GOT A SHOT AT IT. SO WHERE EXACTLY IS THIS HEADING? 
YOU HAVE SEEN IT AND SO HAVE I. UNLESS THE APATHY OF THE SILENT MAJORITY CHANGES
AND WE STOP LETTING THE MONEY SPEAK FOR US, WE WILL SEE OUR ENVIRONMENT CONTINUE
ON IT'S DOWNWARD SPIRAL. WE WILL SEE OUR ENDANGERED LIST GROW AND GROW AS IT IS
DOING NOW. DO WE REALLY CARE WHAT THE WORLD WILL LOOK LIKE HUNDREDS OF YEARS FROM
NOW?, OR DO WE CARE JUST ABOUT NOW?  APPARENTLY NOT AS WE ARE NOT DOING A GOOD
JOB OF IT. MAKES ME THINK OF THAT OLD SAYING THAT RINGS TRUE TODAY. 
"HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF, BUT ALL TO OFTEN WE FORGET TO READ THE MINUTES 
OF THE LAST MEETING."
GETTING BACK TO THE MANATEE, MOST OF THEM ARE BEING KILLED BY BOATS. THE STATE
HAS PUT UP WARNING SIGNS ALL OVER THE RIVER ABOUT SPEEDING AND NO WAKE ZONES.
THIS HAS HAD LITTLE OR NO EFFECT AS THERE IS NOT ENOUGH ENFORCEMENT. THE STATE
OF FLORIDA HAS CUT BACK ON ENFORCEMENT DUE TO SOME OTHER HEAVY PROJECTS. (NO
TELLING WHAT THEY ARE) GOVERNOR JEB BUSH HAS BEEN WARNED BY THE FEDERAL
GOVERNMENT TO TAKE SOME STEPS TO IMPROVE THE SAFE MANATEE PROGRAM. THAT'S 
JUST LIKE A SLAP ON THE WRIST. THE BOATING INDUSTRY AND OTHERS HAVE LOBBIED
THEMSELVES CRAZY AGAINST SPEED ZONES. AGAIN WHO ARE THEY BOWING TO. IT'S A 
NO WIN SITUATION. UNLESS OUR ELECTION SYSTEM CHANGES, WHICH I DOUBT, SAY
GOODBYE TO OUR ENVIRONMENT AND ALL THE WILDLIFE IN IT. IT'S A SAD FACT, BUT
 THE POWER OF THE BUCK WILL WIN EVERY TIME.
PLEASE, PLEASE, LETS ALL BE DOERS. WITH ENOUGH VOICES
WHO KNOWS WHAT WE CAN DO. 
GOT SOME TIME, SEND GOV. JEB BUSH A LETTER SUPPORTING MANATEE:

http://www.savethemanatee.org/whatyou.htm

A SIMPLE "I SUPPORT STRONGER SAFE MANATEE LEGISLATION" WILL DO. 

TOM 
RESPONSES ARE SOLICITED 

THE VETERINARIAN

A VETERINARIAN WAS FEELING ILL AND WENT TO SEE HIS
 DOCTOR. THE DOCTOR ASKED HIM ALL THE USUAL 
QUESTIONS, ABOUT SYMPTOMS, HOW LONG HAD THEY 
BEEN OCCURRING, ETC., WHEN HE INTERRUPTED HIM.
"HEY LOOK, I'M A VETERINARIAN AND I DON'T ASK MY
PATIENTS THESE KIND OF QUESTIONS, I CAN TELL WHAT'S
WRONG JUST BY LOOKING." HE SMUGLY ADDED. "WHY
CAN'T YOU?"

THE DOCTOR NODDED, STOOD BACK LOOKED HIM UP AND DOWN, 
QUICKLY WROTE OUT A PRESCRIPTION, HANDED IT TO HIM
AND SAID, "THERE YOU ARE. OF COURSE IF THAT DOESN'T
WORK, WE'LL HAVE TO HAVE YOU PUT TO SLEEP." 

LOOK OVER THERE LOVE, MORE TOURISTS COMING INTO FLORIDA.
DON'T THEY LOOK SCRUMPTIOUS?

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE
(THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED)

NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY YOU CAN'T BAPTIZE CATS.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
WHEN YOUR MOM IS MAD AT YOUR DAD, DON'T LET HER BRUSH YOUR HAIR.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
IF YOUR SISTER HITS YOU, DON'T HIT HER BACK. THEY ALWAYS CATCH THE SECOND PERSON.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEVER ASK YOUR 3-YEAR-OLD BROTHER TO HOLD A TOMATO.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
YOU CAN'T TRUST DOGS TO WATCH YOUR FOOD.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
READING WHAT PEOPLE WRITE ON DESKS CAN TEACH YOU ALLOT.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
DON'T SNEEZE WHEN SOMEONE IS CUTTING YOUR HAIR.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
PUPPIES STILL HAVE BAD BREATH EVEN AFTER EATING A TIC TAC.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
NEVER HOLD A DUSTBUSTER AND A CAT AT THE SAME TIME.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
SCHOOL LUNCHES STICK TO THE WALL.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
YOU CANT HIDE A PIECE OF BROCCOLI IN A GLASS OF MILK.
~~~~~~~~~~~~

WELL READERS THAT IT FOR TID-BITS # 30. I TRULY HOPE YOU
ENJOYED IT. PLEASE BE A DOER AND HELP ALL THE LORDS 
WONDERFUL GIFTS TO US.

IF YOU LIKED TID-BITS PLEASE PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS.
WHO KNOWS I MIGHT EVEN MAKE IT TO TID-BITS #50. 

IF YOU HAVE ANY COMMENTS OR SUGGESTIONS PLEASE E-MAIL ME AT:

I WILL TRY AND ANSWER ALL.

IF YOU HAVE NOT,  PLEASE SIGN MY GUEST BOOK AT:
/vizbook/vizbook.htm

HUG'S TO ALL

TOM

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