TID-BITS 28

CAN I BRING MY DOG?

A MAN WROTE A LETTER TO A SMALL HOTEL IN A MIDWEST
TOWN, WHICH HE PLANNED A VISIT ON HIS VACATION.

HE WROTE, "I WOULD VERY MUCH LIKE TO BRING MY DOG WITH ME.
HE IS VERY WELL GROOMED AND VERY WELL BEHAVED. WOULD 
YOU BE WILLING TO PERMIT ME TO KEEP HIM IN MY ROOM WITH 
ME AT NIGHT?"
AN IMMEDIATE REPLY COME FROM THE HOTEL OWNER, WHO SAID,
"I'VE BEEN OPERATING THIS HOTEL FOR MANY YEARS. IN ALL THAT
TIME, I'VE NEVER HAD A DOG STEAL TOWELS, BEDCLOTHES,
SILVERWARE OR PICTURES OFF THE WALLS. I'VE NEVER HAD TO 
EVICT A DOG IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT FOR BEING DRUNK
AND DISORDERLY. AND I'VE NEVER HAD A DOG RUN OUT ON A
HOTEL BILL. YES, INDEED, YOUR DOG IS WELCOME AT MY HOTEL,
AND IF YOUR DOG WILL VOUCH FOR YOU, YOUR WELCOME TO 
STAY HERE, TOO!"

FERAL CAT

I SIT BENEATH THE BUSHES AS SHE FILLS MY DISH EACH DAY,
I ONLY VENTURE OUT TO EAT WHEN SHE HAS GONE AWAY,
I KNOW IT WILL UPSET HER WHEN I TURN AWAY AND HIDE,
AS EVERY DAY SHE TRIES HER BEST TO GET ME BY HER SIDE.

I WISH THAT I COULD LET HER KNOW THAT I DON'T WANT TO RUN,
AND HOPE THAT SHE WILL UNDERSTAND IT'S NOTHING SHE HAS
DONE.
I'D LIKE TO HAVE HER STROKE ME AND PAT MY WEARY HEAD,
BUT FEAR WILL OVERCOME AND I'LL RUN AND HIDE INSTEAD.
FOR ALL THE KINDLY PEOPLE WHO FEED THE STRAYS EACH DAY,
I PRAY THE LORD WILL CARE FOR THEM AS THEY CARE FOR ME
THIS WAY.

ANOTHER FISHING JOKE
(GROAN)
~FLORIDA ICE FISHERMAN~
THERE WERE TWO OLD BOYS FROM FLORIDA WHO LOVE TO FISH, AND THEY
WANTED TO DO SOME ICE FISHING. THEY'D HEARD ABOUT IT UP IN CANADA,
 AND THEY TOOK OFF UP THERE. THE LAKE WAS FROZEN NICELY. THEY STOPPED
JUST BEFORE THEY GOT TO THE LAKE AT A LITTLE BAIT SHOP AND GOT ALL THEIR
TACKLE. ONE OF THEM SAID, "WE'RE GOING TO NEED AN ICE PICK." SO THEY GOT
ONE AND TOOK OFF FOR THE LAKE. IN ABOUT TWO HOURS, ONE OF THEM WAS 
BACK AT THE SHOP AND SAID "WE'RE GOING TO NEED A DOZEN ICE PICKS."
WELL, THE FELLOW IN THE STORE WANTED TO ASK SOME QUESTIONS, BUT HE
DIDN'T. HE SOLD HIM THE ICE PICKS AND THE GUY LEFT.
IN ABOUT A HOUR, THEY GUY WAS BACK AGAIN, WE'RE GOING TO NEED ALL THE
ICE PICKS YOU'VE GOT."
WELL, THE STORE OWNER COULDN'T STAND IT ANY LONGER. "BY THE WAY,"
HE ASKED, "HOW ARE YOU FELLOWS DOING?"
"NOT VERY WELL AT ALL," HE SAID. "WE DON'T EVEN HAVE THE BOAT IN THE 
WATER YET."

HEY LADY! "YOUR UGLY"

A LADY WAS WALKING DOWN THE STREET TO WORK AND SHE SAW
A PARROT PERCH IN FRONT TO A PET STORE. THE PARROT SAID TO
HER, HEY LADY! YOU'RE  REALLY UGLY.

FURIOUS, THE LADY STORMED PAST THE STORE TO WORK.
ON THE WAY HOME SHE SAW THE SAME PARROT AND IT SAID TO 
HER, "HEY LADY! YOU'RE REALLY UGLY."
SHE WAS NOW INCREDIBLY TICKED OFF. THE NEXT DAY THE SAME
PARROT AGAIN SAID TO HER, "HEY LADY! YOU'RE REALLY UGLY."
THE LADY WAS SO TICKED THAT SHE WENT INTO THE STORE AND
SAID SHE WOULD SUE THE STORE TO GET RID OF THE BIRD.
THE STORE MANAGER APOLOGIZED PROFUSELY AND PROMISED
HE WOULD MAKE SURE THE PARROT DIDN'T SAY IT AGAIN.
WHEN THE LADY WALKED PAST THE STORE THAT DAY AFTER WORK THE
PARROT CALLED HER, "HEY LADY!" SHE PAUSED AND SAID "YES?"
THE BIRD SAID, "YOU KNOW."

WE DID IT!
Over 1,000,000 Comments Delivered to the U.S. Forest 
Service!

Thanks to the efforts of people like you, the US Forest 
Service received over ONE MILLION LETTERS supporting 
protection of our wild forests! This number of public 
comments is nearly FOUR TIMES THE PREVIOUS RECORD FOR PUBLIC 
COMMENTS received by a federal agency about a public policy 
initiative.

But the fight to protect our last remaining wild places is 
not over.

________________________________________

** ON TO THE WHITE HOUSE...

We are nearing the crucial last steps of this campaign: 
President Clinton will make a final decision before he 
leaves office. He needs to hear that America wants its 
forests saved.

PLEASE TELL YOUR FRIENDS AND FAMILY that their voices WILL 
make a difference - forward them this message right now, and 
tell them to send a postcard to President Clinton through 
our website:

http://www.ourforests.com 
CLICK ABOVE
It will only take a minute, but their actions will save our 
forests for generations to come.

~~THE WATER~~
AUTHOR UNKNOWN

IT WAS ONE OF THE HOTTEST DAYS OF THE DRY SEASON. WE HAD NOT SEEN
RAIN IN ALMOST A MONTH. THE CROPS WERE DYING, COWS HAD STOPPED
GIVING MILK. THE CREEKS AND STREAMS WERE LONG GONE BACK INTO THE EARTH.
IT WAS A DRY SEASON THAT WOULD BANKRUPT SEVERAL FARMERS BEFORE IT
WAS THROUGH. EVERY DAY, MY HUSBAND AND HIS BROTHERS WOULD GO ABOUT
THE ARDUOUS PROCESS OF TRYING TO GET WATER TO THE FIELDS. LATELY
THIS PROCESS  INVOLVED TAKING A TRUCK TO THE LOCAL WATER RENDERING
PLANT AND FILLING IT UP WITH WATER. BUT SEVERE RATIONING HAD CUT
EVERYONE OFF. IF WE DIDN'T SEE SOME RAIN SOON...WE WOULD LOSE EVERYTHING.

IT WAS ON THIS DAY THAT I LEARNED THE TRUE LESSON OF SHARING AND
WITNESSED THE ONLY MIRACLE I HAVE SEEN WITH MY OWN EYES.
I WAS IN THE KITCHEN MAKING LUNCH FOR MY HUSBAND AND HIS BROTHERS
WHEN I SAW MY SIX-YEAR OLD SON, BILLY WALKING TOWARD THE WOODS.

HE WASN'T WALKING WITH THE USUAL CAREFREE ABANDON OF A YOUTH, BUT WITH
A SERIOUS PURPOSE. I COULD ONLY SEE HIS BACK. HE WAS OBVIOUSLY WALKING 
WITH A GREAT EFFORT...TRYING TO BE AS STILL AS POSSIBLE.
MINUTES AFTER HE DISAPPEARED INTO THE WOODS. HE CAME RUNNING OUT AGAIN
TOWARD THE HOUSE. I WENT BACK TO MAKING SANDWICHES; THINKING THAT 
WHATEVER TASK HE HAD BEEN DOING WAS COMPLETED. MOMENTS LATER,
HOWEVER, HE WAS ONCE AGAIN WALKING IN THAT SLOW PURPOSEFUL STRIDE 
TOWARD THE WOODS. THIS ACTIVITY WENT ON FOR AN HOUR, WALKING CAREFULLY
TO THE WOODS AND RUN BACK TO THE HOUSE. FINALLY I COULDN'T TAKE IT ANY
LONGER AND I SLIPPED OUT OF THE HOUSE AND FOLLOWED HIM ON HIS JOURNEY
 (BEING VERY CAREFUL NOT TO BE SEEN... AS HE WAS OBVIOUSLY DOING
IMPORTANT WORK AND DIDN'T NEED HIS MOMMY CHECKING UP ON HIM).
HE WAS CUPPING BOTH HIS HANDS IN FRONT OF HIM AS HE WALKED; BEING VERY
CAREFUL NOT TO SPILL THE WATER HE HELD IN THEM...MAYBE TWO OR THREE
TABLESPOONS WERE HELD IN HIS TINY HANDS.

I SNEAKED CLOSE AS HE WENT INTO THE WOODS. BRANCHES AND THORNS SLAPPED
HIS LITTLE FACE BUT HE DID NOT TRY TO AVOID THEM. HE HAD A MUCH HIGHER
PURPOSE. AS I LEANED IN TO SPY ON HIM, I SAW THE MOST AMAZING SITE.
SEVERAL LARGE DEER LOOMED IN FRONT OF HIM. BILLY WALKED RIGHT UP TO
THEM.  I ALMOST SCREAMED FOR HIM TO GET AWAY. A HUGE BUCK WITH ELABORATE
ANTLERS WAS DANGEROUSLY CLOSE. BUT THE BUCK DID NOT THREATEN HIM...
HE DIDN'T EVEN MOVE AS BILLY KNELT DOWN. AND I SAW A TINY FAWN LAYING ON

THE GROUND OBVIOUSLY SUFFERING FROM DEHYDRATION AND HEAT EXHAUSTION,
LIFT HIS HEAD WITH GREAT EFFORT TO LAP UP THE WATER CUPPED IN MY BEAUTIFUL BOY'S HAND. WHEN THE WATER WAS GONE, BILLY JUMPED UP TO RUN 
BACK TO THE HOUSE. I HID BEHIND A TREE. I FOLLOWED HIM BACK TO THE HOUSE: TO A SPIGOT THAT WE HAD SHUT OFF THE WATER TO.

BILLY OPENED IT ALL THE WAY AND A SMALL TRICKLE BEGAN TO CREEP OUT. HE KNELT THERE, LETTING THE DROPS  DRIP SLOWLY AND FILL UP HIS MAKESHIFT CUP
AS THE SUN BEAT DOWN ON HIS LITTLE BACK. AND IT BECAME CLEAR TO ME. THE 
TROUBLE HE HAD GOTTEN INTO FOR PLAYING WITH THE HOSE THE WEEK BEFORE.
THE LECTURE HE HAD RECEIVED ABOUT THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT WASTING WATER.
THAT IS THE REASON HE DIDN'T ASK ME TO HELP HIM. IT TOOK ALMOST TWENTY MINUTES TO FILL UP HIS HANDS. WHEN HE STOOD UP AND BEGAN TO TREK BACK, I WAS THERE IN FRONT OF HIM. HIS LITTLE EYES FILLED WITH TEARS.

"I'M NOT WASTING IT", WAS ALL HE SAID. AS HE BEGAN HIS WALK, I JOINED HIM...
WITH A SMALL POT OF WATER FROM THE KITCHEN. I LET HIM TEND TO THE FAWN.
I STAYED AWAY. IT WAS HIS JOB. I STOOD ON THE EDGE OF THE WOODS WATCHING
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL HEART I HAVE EVER KNOWN WORKING SO HARD TO SAVE
ANOTHER LIFE. AS THE TEARS THAT ROLLED DOWN MY FACE BEGAN TO HIT THE
GROUND, THEY WERE SUDDENLY JOINED BY OTHER DROPS...AND MORE DROPS...
AND MORE. I LOOKED UP AT THE SKY AND IT WAS AS IF GOD, HIMSELF,
WAS WEEPING WITH PRIDE. SOME WILL PROBABLY SAY THAT THIS WAS ALL A HUGE
COINCIDENCE. THAT MIRACLES DON'T REALLY EXIST. THAT IT WAS BOUND TO RAIN
SOMETIME. AND I CAN'T ARGUE WITH THAT...I'M NOT GOING TO TRY. ALL I CAN SAY
IS THAT THE RAIN THAT CAME THAT DAY SAVED OUR FARM...JUST LIKE THE
ACTIONS OF ONE LITTLE BOY SAVED ANOTHER. THIS IS NOT ONE OF THOSE
CRAZY CHAIN LETTERS... THIS IS  TO HONOR THE MEMORY OF MY BEAUTIFUL
BILLY, WHO WAS TAKEN FROM ME MUCH TO SOON...BUT NOT BEFORE SHOWING
ME THE TRUE FACE OF GOD IN A LITTLE SUNBURNED BODY.

GOD CREATED A MULE

GOD CREATED THE MULE, AND TOLD HIM, "YOU WILL BE A MULE, WORKING CONSTANTLY
FROM DUSK TO DAWN, CARRYING HEAVY LOADS ON YOUR BACK. YOU WILL EAT GRASS
AND LACK INTELLIGENCE. YOU WILL LIVE FOR 50 YEARS."
THE MULE ANSWERED, "TO LIVE LIKE THIS FOR 50 YEARS IS TOO MUCH. PLEASE, GIVE
ME NO MORE THEN 20." AND IT WAS SO.

THEN GOD CREATED DOG, AND TOLD HIM, "YOU WILL HOLD VIGILANCE OVER THE
 DWELLING OF MAN, TO WHOM YOU WILL BE HIS GREATEST COMPANION.
YOU WILL EAT HIS TABLE SCRAPS AND LIVE FOR 25 YEARS. AND THE DOG RESPONDED,
"LORD TO LIVE LIKE A DOG FOR 25 YEARS IS TOO MUCH.
PLEASE NO MORE THEN 10 YEARS." AND IT WAS SO.

GOD THEN CREATED THE MONKEY, AND TOLD HIM, "YOU ARE A MONKEY. YOU SHALL
SWING FROM TREE TO TREE, ACTING LIKE A CLOWN. YOU WILL BE FUNNY, AND SHALL
LIVE FOR 20 YEARS." AND THE MONKEY RESPONDED, "LORD, TO LIVE 20 YEARS
AS A CLOWN OF THE WORLD IS TOO MUCH, PLEASE, LORD GIVE ME NO MORE THEN
10 YEARS." AND IS WAS SO.

FINALLY, GOD CREATED MAN AND TOLD HIM, "YOU ARE MAN, THE ONLY RATIONAL
BEING THAT WALKS THE EARTH. YOU WILL USE YOUR INTELLIGENCE TO HAVE
MASTERY OVER THE CREATURES OF THE WORLD. YOU WILL DOMINATE THE EARTH
AND LIVE FOR 20 YEARS. "AND THE MAN RESPONDED, "LORD, TO BE MAN FOR ONLY
20 YEARS IS TOO LITTLE. PLEASE, LORD, GIVE ME THE 20 YEARS THE MULE
REFUSED, THE 15 YEARS THE DOG REFUSED, AND THE 10 YEARS THE MONKEY
REJECTED." AND IT WAS SO.

AND SO GOD MADE MAN TO LIVE 20 YEARS AS A MAN, THEN MARRY AND LIVE 20
YEARS AS A MULE WORKING AND CARRYING HEAVY LOADS ON HIS BACK.
THEN, HE IS TO HAVE CHILDREN AND LIVE 15 YEARS AS A DOG, GUARDING HIS
HOUSE AND EATING THE LEFTOVERS AFTER THEY EMPTY THE PANTRY.

THEN, IN HIS OLD AGE, TO LIVE 10 YEARS AS A MONKEY, ACTING LIKE A CLOWN
TO AMUSE HIS GRANDCHILDREN. AND IT WAS SO.

Thanks MARGET

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