A LITTLE TESTIMONIAL ABOUT TOM
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

THE STORY ABOVE IS SO VERY TRUE. WHEN I WENT TO WORK
FOR THE HUMANE SOCIETY MANY YEARS AGO IT WAS WITH
THE LOVE FOR ANIMALS. SOON AFTER I FOUND OUT THE REAL
STORY. I FEEL I MUST PASS IT ON IN HOPES THAT IT MIGHT
OPENS SOME EYES. I HOLD NO ANIMOSITY TOWARDS THE 
HUMANE SOCIETY FOR IT.

SOON AFTER, I WAS REQUIRED TO GO TO EUTHANASIA SCHOOL.
 THIS WAS NOT A EASY TASK BY NO MEANS. MY ONLY HOPE IS
THAT NONE OF YOU READERS HOLD IT AGAINST ME.
I WAS CONVINCED THAT EUTHANASIA WAS THE ANSWER TO
THE PET OVERPOPULATION. I SOON LEARNED THAT I WAS
PUTTING TO SLEEP THE WRONG ANIMALS.

OVER SEVERAL YEARS I PUT TO SLEEP MANY ANIMALS AND
WITH EACH IT TORE A LITTLE BIT OF MY HEART OUT. IT IS
SOMETHING NO ONE WANTS TO EXPERIENCE. MY ONLY WISH
WAS THAT THE IRRESPONSIBLE OWNER WAS THE ONE THAT
WAS PUSHING THE NEEDLE OF DEATH IN. I FOUND THAT NOT
LOOKING INTO THE TRUSTING EYES OF THE ANIMAL DID NOT HELP. 

THE EXCUSES WERE ENDLESS, MOVING, ALLERGIC, CAN'T 
CONTROL, DON'T LIKE CHILDREN, ETC. THE CAGES WERE 
BURSTING AT THE SEAMS AND FOR EVERY 25 ADOPTED 50 WERE
TURNED IN.

I AM NOT PROUD OF WHAT I DID BY NO MEANS AND I HAVE ASKED
THE LORD TO FORGIVE ME FOR IT. IT IS THE MAIN REASON I LEFT
THE SOCIETY.

IF I GET ADAMANT OVER ANIMAL ISSUES, I HOPE YOU WILL 
UNDERSTAND. I STILL WAKE UP IN A COLD SWEAT.

TOM
   

GOAT AND THE TRAVELING SALESMAN

A TRAVELING SALESMAN WAS DRIVING DOWN A COUNTRY ROAD
WHEN THE NEED TO GET OUT OF HIS CAR AND STRETCH CAME
OVER HIM. IT WAS A BEAUTIFUL DAY IN THE COUNTRYSIDE SO
HE DECIDED TO TAKE A WALK IN A PASTURE.
ALONG HIS WALK HE CAME ACROSS A HOLE IN THE GROUND
AND AS MOST GUYS WILL DO,  HE PICKED UP A ROCK AND 
DROPPED IT IN THE HOLE TO SEE HOW DEEP IT WAS. BUT 
AFTER HE DROPPED IT IN THE HOLE HE DIDN'T HERE THE SOUND 
OF THE ROCK HITTING THE BOTTOM OF THE HOLE. SO, HE
LOOKED AROUND AND PICKED UP A BIGGER STONE AND CHUCKED
IN IN THE HOLE AND THEN LISTENED VERY CAREFULLY, BUT 
STILL DIDN'T HERE A SOUND. NOW THE SALESMAN IS VERY
CURIOUS ABOUT THIS HOLE AND HE LOOKED AROUND FOR A 
BIGGER STONE. HE STRUGGLED PICKING UP A FIFTY POUND
ROCK, GETS IT TO THE HOLE AND DROPS IN IN BUT STILL 
DOESN'T HERE A SOUND.

NOW THE SALESMAN REALLY WANTS TO KNOW HOW DEEP THIS
HOLE IS SO HE SEARCHES AROUND THE PASTURE AND FINDS A 
TEN INCH RAILROAD BEAM. HE FLIPS THE HUGE PIECE OF LUMBER
END OVER END UNTIL HE GETS IT NEAR THE HOLE AND WITH ONE
FINAL PUSH SENT THE BEAM DOWN THE HOLE. HE PUTS HIS EAR 
NEAR THE HOLE AND LISTENS VERY CAREFULLY BUT DOESN'T
HEAR A SOUND.

BY THIS TIME THE SALESMAN IS HOT, HE'S PERTURBED AND 
TURNS TO HEAD BACK TO HIS CAR WHEN HE SEES A GOAT COMING
ACROSS THE PASTURE STRAIGHT FOR HIM AT A  ALARMING RUN. 
IT'S HEAD DOWN AND HIS HORNS UP. THE SALESMAN SIDESTEPS
THE GOAT AT THE VERY LAST MOMENT ONLY TO HAVE THE GOAT
RUSH PAST HIM AND INTO THE HOLE.

THE SALESMAN STOOD THERE IN AMAZEMENT AND LISTENED BUT
HE DIDN'T EVEN HEAR THE SOUND OF THE GOAT HITTING THE
BOTTOM. WILLING TO MARK IT UP AS "ONE FOR THE BOOKS" HE
TURNED TO HEAD BACK TO HIS CAR. ABOUT HALF WAY ACROSS
THE PASTURE HE SAW A FARMER COMING TOWARD HIM.

WHEN THEY MET THE FARMER ASKS THE SALESMAN WHAT HE
WAS DOING IN HIS FIELD AND THE SALESMAN EXPLAINED HE
WAS TAKING A WALK TO STRETCH HIS LEGS AND THAT HE HAD
COME ACROSS THIS RATHER DEEP HOLE. THE FARMER SAYS
"OH YEAH", I KNOW ABOUT THAT HOLE. THE WHOLE COUNTRY 
KNOWS ABOUT THAT HOLE. GOT TO BE CAREFUL AROUND IT
BECAUSE IT'S A MIGHTY DEEP HOLE. NOBODY'S EVER FOUND
THE BOTTOM. COULD BE THE DEEPEST HOLE IN THE WORLD.

"VERY INTERESTING!" SAID THE SALESMAN.

"BY THE WAY", SAID THE FARMER, "YOU HAVEN'T SEEN MY 
CHAMPION GOAT AROUND HERE HAVE YOU?" THE SALESMAN
WASN'T ABOUT TO BE THE ONE TOO TELL HIM THAT HIS GOAT
IS SOMEWHERE NEAR THE BOTTOM OF A BOTTOMLESS HOLE
SO HE SAID, NO,..NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM, ...SORRY".
THE FARMER SAID, "OH THAT'S O.K. HE CAN'T GO FAR, HE'S
TIED TO A RAILROAD BEAM".

To all Tid-Bits readers, BE A DOER please.

Come join me in Care2.com's Race for the Big Cats - where you
support habitat for endangered big cats by clicking your mouse!
JUST CLICK ON THE ABOVE CATS OR HERE.
You can click once a day to generate a donation which supports
habitat for endangered Tigers, Jaguars and Leopards.  It's free to you!
Each day you click, sponsors make a donation to the Wildlife
Conservation Society which supports 5.2 acres of habitat.

Each daily visit also enters you in a drawing to win a trip to the Amazon
Jungle, a home to the Jaguar.

You can see your own impact, and the impact of the friends you invite!

Care2.com's Race for the Big Cats benefits Wildlife Conservation Society's
Tiger Program, Jaguar Conservation Program, and Asia Program for Snow
Leopards. Thanks for joining the effort!

PLEASE LET'S ALL GET INVOLVED.

TOM

IF YOU TALK WITH ANIMALS THEY
 WILL TALK WITH YOU AND YOU WILL
 KNOW EACH OTHER. IF YOU DO NOT
 TALK WITH THE ANIMALS YOU WILL
 NOT KNOW THEM. WHAT ONE DOES
 NOT KNOW ONE FEARS AND WHAT 
ONE FEARS ONE DESTROYS. FOR THE 
LIMPING WOLF MAY YOU
 ALWAYS PROSPER!

Thanks Twolf

LET ME ADD THIS
IF THE WOLF IS TO SURVIVE, THE WOLF
HATERS MUST BE OUTNUMBERED.
THEY MUST BE OUT SHOUTED, OUT FINANCED,
AND OUTVOTED. THEIR NARROW AND BIASED
ATTITUDE MUST BE OUTWEIGHED BY AN
ATTITUDE BASED ON A UNDERSTANDING
OF THE NATURAL PROCESSES. FINALLY
HATE MUST BE OUTDONE BY A LOVE FOR
THE WHOLE OF NATURE, FOR THE UNSPOILED
WILDERNESS, AND FOR THE WOLF AS A 
BEAUTIFUL, INTERESTING, AND INTEGRAL
PART OF BOTH.  
TOM

DEAR LORD, SO FAR IT'S  IT'S BEEN A GOOD DAY-
I HAVEN'T YELLED, I HAVEN'T SPAT, I HAVEN'T GOSSIPED, OR KICKED THE CAT. I HAVEN'T LIED AND HAVEN'T CUSSED, I HAVEN'T WHINED OR EVEN FUSSED.

Thanks Kat

~DOG'S LOGIC~

I HAVEN'T ANY PEDIGREE, I'M JUST A COMMON CUR;
I CAN'T DO TRICKS LIKE CIRCUS DOGS,
MY LIFE IS--LOVING HER.

I SLEEP OUTSIDE HER DOOR AT NIGHT,
MY NOSE AGAINST THE CRACK.
SOMETIMES HER FOOTSTEPS COME MY WAY
I SIGH WHEN THEY TURN BACK.

WE GO FOR WALKS, AND ROMP AND PLAY.
I CARRY STICKS AND STONES
TO MAKE HER LAUGH, AND OFTEN I
BRING HER MY CHOICEST BONES.

SOMETIMES I SOIL HER DAINTY DRESS
WITH MY WET, MUDDY PAWS.
BUT I'VE STOPPED CHASING NEIGHBOR'S CATS,
(THE WORTHLESS THINGS) BECAUSE

SHE CANNOT BEAR TO HAVE THINGS HURT.
HOW DREADFULLY SHE CRIED
THAT TIME I CAUGHT A BABY BIRD,
AND BIT IT, AND IT DIED!

I'VE OFTEN HEARD HER SAY THAT LIFE
WAS LEARNING HOW TO LOVE,
AND THOSE WHO'VE LEARNED IT BEST WILL REAP
THE MOST REWARDS ABOVE;

AND SO I HOPE THAT WHEN I GO
WITH HER UP TO THE GATE,
I'LL NOT BE LEFT ALONE OUTSIDE,
TO WAIT AND WAIT AND WAIT.

FOR DON'T YOU THINK, SINCE ALL MY LIFE
IS JUST SPENT LOVING HER,
THEY'LL LET ME THROUGH THE GATE ALTHOUGH
I'M JUST A COMMON CUR? 

~HOW THE BULLDOG GOT HIS FACE~

WHEN THE GOOD LORD GAVE OUT FACES TO THE DOGS LONG AGO,
HE FOUND, WHEN HE HAD ISSUED THEM THERE WAS STILL ONE DOG TO GO.
 
"WHERE'S THIS DOG'S FACE?" HE CALLED ALOUD, "I KNOW I MUST HAVE MADE IT. THERE MUST BE SOMEONE HEREABOUTS WHO'S CLUMSILY MISLAID IT."

A SHY YOUNG ANGEL THEN STEPPED UP, "FORGIVE ME, LORD," HE SAID.
HE SHUTTERED AND HE STAMMERED AND HE TURNED A LITTLE RED
 
"I NEVER THOUGHT IT WAS A FACE - IT FELL OUT OF YOUR BAG.
SO I THOUGHT YOU HAD DISCARDED IT AS JUST A PIECE OF RAG.

"SO I PROMPTLY WENT AND USED IT FOR SO VERY MANY THINGS,
LIKE POLISHING UP THE HALOS AND WAXING UP THE WINGS."

"IT'S CREASED AND CRUMPLED AS YOU SEE - IN TRUTH IT'S A DISGRACE."
I  DON'T KNOW HOW MY DEAREST LORD, YOU CAN USE IT FOR A FACE.

"I REALIZE IT'S ALL MY FAULT, AND THERE'S NO ONE ELSE TO BLAME.
I TRUST YOU CAN FORGIVE ME, MY HEART'S SO FULL OF SHAME."

"OF COURSE I HAVE FORGIVEN YOU, BUT HERE WE'VE GOT A MESS,
SO I'LL MAKE AMENDS TO THIS POOR DOG AND HIM I'LL TRULY BLESS."

"HE'LL BE CALLED A ENGLISH BULLDOG THAT'S ABOUT THE ONLY PLACE
WHERE THE PEOPLE ARE SO SILLY AS TO LOVE AN UGLY FACE."

BUT HE'LL BE KIND AND GENTLE AND OF COURAGE HE'LL BE FULL
AS WELL AS LOVE AND LOYALTY THE UGLY, LOVELY BULL.

AND THAT IS HOW, MY CHILDREN, IN THAT LONG GONE YEAR OF GRACE,
THE DEAR OLD ENGLISH BULLDOG GOT HIS LOVELY, UGLY FACE.

I'M NOT UGLY, AM I??

HUNTING STORY'S I LOVE TO HEAR

:00   AM  ALARM CLOCK RINGS.
2:00  AM HUNTING PARTNERS ARRIVE DRAG YOU OUT OF BED.
2:30  AM THROW EVERYTHING EXCEPT THE KITCHEN SINK INTO THE PICK-UP.
3:00  AM LEAVE FOR DEEP WOODS.
3:15   AM BACK HOME TO PICK UP GUN.
3:30  AM SET UP CAMP. FORGOT DARN TENT.
4:00  AM DRIVE LIKE CRAZY TO GET TO THE WOODS BEFORE DAYLIGHT. RECEIVE
             TICKET FROM NON-HUNTER POLICEMAN FOR SPEEDING.
4:30  AM SET UP CAMP.
6:05  AM HEAD FOR THE WOODS.
6:06  AM SEE EIGHT DEER.
6:07  AM TAKE AIM AND SQUEEZE THE TRIGGER.
6:08  AM CLICK.
6:10   AM LOAD GUN WHILE WATCHING DEER GO OVER THE HILL.
8:00  AM HEAD BACK TO CAMP DISGUSTED
12:00 NOON FIRE GUN FOR HELP--EAT WILD BERRIES.
12:15  PM  RUN OUT OF BULLETS--EIGHT DEER  COME BACK.
12:30 PM  REALIZE THAT I ATE POISON BERRIES.
12:45 PM  RESCUED BY FELLOW HUNTERS
12:55 PM  RUSHED TO HOSPITAL TO HAVE STOMACH PUMPED.
3:OO PM  ARRIVE BACK AT CAMP.
3:30 PM  LEAVE FROM CAMP TO KILL DEER.
4:00 PM  RETURN TO CAMP FOR BULLETS.
4:01  PM  LOAD GUN--LEAVE CAMP AGAIN.
5:00 PM  EMPTY GUN AT SQUIRREL THAT IS BUGGING ME.  MISSED SAME BUT KILLED TREE.
6:00 PM  ARRIVE AT CAMP--SEE DEER GRAZING IN CAMP.
6:01  PM  LOAD GUN.
6:02 PM  FIRE GUN RAPIDLY.
6:03 PM  ONE DEAD PICK-UP TRUCK.
6:05 PM  HUNTING PARTNERS RETURNS NOTHING, FALLS OVER IN LAUGHTER ABOUT TRUCK.
6:06 PM  REPRESS DESIRE TO SHOOT HUNTING PARTNER.
6:07 PM  FALL INTO FIRE.
6:10 PM  CHANGE CLOTHES--THROW BURNED ONES IN FIRE. REALIZE WALLET STILL IN THEM.
6:15 PM  TAKE PICK-UP, LEAVE HUNTING PARTNER IN CAMP.
6:25 PM  PICK-UP BOILS OVER--HOLE SHOT IN BLOCK.
6:26 PM  START WALKING.
6:30 PM  STUMBLE AND FALL, DROP GUN IN MUD.
6:35 PM  MEET BEAR.
6:36 PM  TAKE AIM.
6:37 PM  FIRE GUN, BLOW UP BARREL--PLUGGED WITH MUD.
6:38 PM  MESS PANTS.
6:39 PM  CLIMB TREE.
10:00 PM BEAR LEAVES. WRAP *$%!@#$& GUN AROUND TREE.

DON'T YA JUST LOVE IT????

LITTLE JOHNNY

THE FIRST GRADE CLASS GATHERED AROUND THE TEACHER FOR A GAME OF "GUESS
THE ANIMAL." THE FIRST PICTURE THE TEACHER HELD UP WAS A CAT.
"O.K. BOYS AND GIRLS," SHE SAID BRIGHTLY, "CAN ANYONE TELL ME WHAT THIS IS?"
"I KNOW, I KNOW IT'S A CAT!" YELLED A LITTLE BOY.

"VERY GOOD EDDIE. NOW, WHO KNOWS WHAT THIS ANIMAL IS CALLED?" THAT'S A 
DOG!" PIPED UP THE SAME BOY.

"RIGHT AGAIN. AND WHAT ANIMAL IS THIS?" HOLDING UP A PICTURE OF A DEER.
SILENCE FELL OVER THE CLASS. AFTER A MINUTE OR TWO, THE TEACHER SAID,
"I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT, CHILDREN...IT'S SOMETHING YOUR MOTHER CALLS 
YOUR FATHER."

"I KNOW, I KNOW," SCREAMED LITTLE JOHNNY.
"IT'S CALLED A NINCOMPOOP!"

I KNOW THE FEELING.

TOM DID IT AGAIN. 
I GOT CARRIED AWAY AND MADE TID-BITS 26 TO LONG .
I WILL ATTEMPT TO DO BETTER NEXT TIME. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
I HOPE YOU LIKE IT AND PASS IT ON TO YOUR FRIENDS.
IF YOU HAVE ANY SUGGESTIONS OR REMARKS PLEASE E-MAIL ME
AT: trudge@cfl.rr.com 

ANY BAD COMMENTS PLEASE SEND THEM T0:
THANK YOU.                                                                     HERE

DON'T FOR GET TO CHECK OUT MY ANIMAL SCREENSAVER
AT: http://wildlife-help.org/screensaver.htm 

BIG HUGS TO ALL    TOM

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