Tidbits#25

~JUST A TIRED OLE DOG~

ONE AFTERNOON, SUE WAS IN THE BACKYARD HANGING THE LAUNDRY
WHEN A OLE, TIRED-LOOKING DOG WANDERED INTO THE YARD.

SUE COULD TELL FROM THIS COLLAR AND WELL-FED BELLY
THAT HE HAD A HOME. BUT WHEN SHE WALKED INTO THE HOUSE,
HE FOLLOWED HER, SAUNTERED DOWN THE HALL AND FELL
IN A CORNER.

AN HOUR LATER, THE DOG WENT TO THE DOOR, AND SUE LET HIM OUT.

THE NEXT DAY HE WAS BACK. HE RESUMED HIS POSITION IN THE
HALLWAY AND SLEPT FOR AN HOUR. THIS CONTINUED FOR SEVERAL
WEEKS.

CURIOUS, SUE PINNED A NOTE TO HIS COLLAR: "EVERY AFTERNOON
YOUR DOG COMES TO MY HOUSE FOR A NAP."

THE NEXT DAY THE DOG ARRIVES WITH A DIFFERENT NOTE PINNED
TO HIS COLLAR: "HE LIVES IN A HOME WITH TEN CHILDREN. HE'S
JUST TRYING TO CATCH UP ON HIS SLEEP."

Thanks CaroleB

FOR THE FISHERMAN AND FISHERWOMEN

THREE FISHERMAN WAS SITTING BY THE SIDE OF A RIVER HOLDING FISHING
POLES WITH THERE LINES IN THE WATER. WHEN A GAME WARDEN COMES UP
BEHIND THEM, HE TAPS THEM ON THE SHOULDER AND SAYS, "EXCUSE ME,
I'D LIKE TO SEE YOUR FISHING LICENSES."

"WE DON'T HAVE ANY," REPLIED THE FIRST FISHERMAN.

"WELL, IF YOUR GOING TO FISH, YOU NEED FISHING LICENSES," SAID THE
GAME WARDEN.

"BUT OFFICER." REPLIED THE SECOND FISHERMAN, "WE AREN'T FISHING.
WE ALL HAVE MAGNETS AT THE END OF OUR LINES AND WE'RE COLLECTING
DEBRIS OFF THE BOTTOM OF THE RIVER.

THE GAME WARDEN LIFTED UP ALL THE LINES AND SURE ENOUGH, THERE
WERE HORSESHOE MAGNETS TIED ON THE END OF EACH LINE. "WELL, I
KNOW OF NO LAW AGAINST IT," SAID THE GAME WARDEN, "TAKE ALL
DEBRIS YOU WANT." AND WITH THAT, THE GAME WARDEN LEFT.

AS SOON AS THE GAME WARDEN WAS OUT OF SIGHT, THE THREE FISHERMAN
STARTED LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY.

"WHAT A DUMB FISH COP." THE FISHERMAN SAID. DOESN'T HE KNOW THAT
THERE ARE STEELHEAD TROUT IN THIS RIVER.

NOTE FROM TOM: I WOULDN'T TRY IT. LOL..

Thanks Jan..

A TRUE CAT.

A TRUE CAT ABHORS A CLOSED DOOR.
WHEN CAUGHT MISBEHAVING A TRUE CAT PRETENDS HE WAS
DOING SOMETHING ELSE.

A TRUE CAT IS SOCIABLE. HE LOVES PARTIES, ESPECIALLY
THE HORS D'OEUVRES.

A TRUE CAT KEEPS A COLLECTION OF VINTAGE CATNIP MICE
HIDDEN UNDER THE FURNITURE AND TAKES THEM OUT
OCCASIONALLY TO SEE HOW THEY'RE AGING.

A TRUE CAT DOESN'T CARE TO LEARN HOW TO USE THE
TOILET. WOULD YOU WANT TO SHARE HIS LITTER BOX?

~GOD GAVE HER THE CAT~

THE PASTOR HAD A KITTEN THAT CLIMBED UP A TREE IN
HIS BACKYARD AND THEN WAS AFRAID TO COME DOWN. THE PASTOR COAXED, OFFERED WARM MILK, ETC. THE KITTY WOULD
NOT COME DOWN. THE TREE WAS NOT STURDY ENOUGH TO CLIMB,
SO THE PASTOR DECIDED THAT IF HE TIED A ROPE TO HIS CAR
AND DROVE AWAY SO THAT THE TREE BENT DOWN, HE COULD THEN REACH UP AND GET THE KITTEN DOWN.

HE DID ALL THIS, CHECKING HIS PROCESS IN THE CAR
FREQUENTLY, THEN FIGURED IF HE WENT JUST A LITTLE BIT
FURTHER, THE TREE WOULD BE BENT SUFFICIENTLY FOR HIM TO
REACH THE KITTEN. BUT AS HE MOVED A LITTLE FURTHER
FORWARD.....THE ROPE BROKE.

THE TREE WENT "BOING!" AND THE KITTEN INSTANTLY SAILED
THROUGH THE AIR-OUT OF SITE. THE PASTOR FELT TERRIBLE.
HE WALKED ALL OVER THE NEIGHBORHOOD ASKING PEOPLE IF
THEY'D SEEN A LITTLE KITTEN. NOBODY HAD SEEN A STRAY
KITTEN. SO HE PRAYED, "LORD, I JUST COMMIT THIS KITTEN TO
YOUR KEEPING," AND WENT ON ABOUT HIS BUSINESS.

A FEW DAYS LATER HE WAS AT THE GROCERY STORE AND MET
ONE OF HIS CHURCH MEMBERS. HE HAPPENED TO LOOK INTO HER
SHOPPING CART AND WAS AMAZED TO SEE CAT FOOD.
NOW THIS WOMEN WAS A CAT HATER AND EVERYONE KNEW IT,
SO HE ASKED HER, "WHY ARE YOU BUYING CAT FOOD WHEN YOU
HATE CATS SO MUCH?"

SHE REPLIED, "YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS," AND TOLD HIM HER
LITTLE GIRL HAD BEEN BEGGING FOR A CAT, BUT SHE KEPT
REFUSING. THEN DAYS BEFORE, THE CHILD BEGGED AGAIN, SO
THE MOM FINALLY TOLD HER LITTLE GIRL, "WELL, IF GOD GIVES
YOU A CAT, I'LL LET YOU KEEP IT."

SHE TOLD THE PASTOR, "I WATCHED MY CHILD GO OUT IN THE YARD, LOOK UPWARD TO THE SKY AND ASK GOD FOR A CAT.

AND REALLY, PASTOR, YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS, BUT I SAW IT
WITH MY OWN EYES. A KITTEN SUDDENLY CAME FLYING OUT
OF THE BLUE SKY, WITH ITS PAWS SPREAD OUT,

AND LANDED RIGHT IN FRONT OF HER."

Thanks Barb..

~GRANDSON~
WRITTEN BY: CHIEF DAN GEORGE

I WANTED TO GIVE SOMETHING OF MY PAST TO MY GRANDSON.
SO I TOOK HIM INTO THE WOOD'S TO A QUIET SPOT.
SEATED AT MY FEET HE LISTENED AS I TOLD HIM
OF THE POWERS THAT WERE GIVEN TO EACH CREATURE.

HE MOVED NOT A MUSCLE AS I EXPLAINED HOW THE WOODS
HAD ALWAYS PROVIDED US WITH FOOD, HOMES, COMFORT,
AND RELIGION. HE WAS AWED WHEN I RELATED TO HIM HOW
WOLF BECAME OUR GUARDIAN, AND WHEN I TOLD HIM THAT
I WOULD SING THE SACRED WOLF SONG OVER HIM, HE WAS
OVERJOYED.
IN MY SONG, I APPEALED TO THE WOLF TO COME AND
PRESIDE OVER US WHILE I WOULD PERFORM THE WOLF
CEREMONY SO THAT THE BONDAGE BETWEEN MY GRANDSON
AND THE WOLF WOULD BE LIFELONG.

I SANG:
IN MY VOICE WAS THE HOPE THAT CLINGS TO EVERY HEARTBEAT.
I SANG:
IN MY WORDS WERE THE POWERS I INHERITED FROM MY FOREFATHERS.
I SANG:
IN MY CUPPED HANDS LAY A SPRUCE SEED-- THE LINK TO CREATION.
I SANG:
IN MY EYES SPARKLED LOVE.

AND THE SONG FLOATED ON THE SUN'S RAYS FROM TREE TO TREE.
WHEN I HAD ENDED, IT WAS IF THE WHOLE WORLD LISTENED WITH
US TO HEAR THE WOLF'S REPLY. WE WAITED A LONG TIME BUT NONE
CAME. AGAIN I SANG, HUMBLY BUT AS INVITINGLY AS I COULD,
UNTIL MY THROAT ACHED AND MY VOICE GAVE OUT.

ALL OF A SUDDEN I REALIZED WHY NO WOLVES HAD HEARD MY
MY SACRED SONG. THERE WERE NONE LEFT!

MY HEART FILLED WITH TEARS. I COULD NO LONGER GIVE MY
GRANDSON FAITH IN THE PAST, OUR PAST.

AT LAST I COULD WHISPER: "IT IS FINISHED!"
"CAN I GO HOME NOW?" HE ASKED, CHECKING HIS WATCH TO SEE
IF HE WOULD STILL BE IN TIME TO CATCH HIS FAVORITE PROGRAM
ON TV. I WATCHED HIM DISAPPEAR AND WEPT IN SILENCE.
ALL IS FINISHED!

WHAT A SHAME.

WELL READERS ITS TIME TO PUT TID-BITS TO SLEEP.

UNTIL TID-BITS 26. I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED IT AS
MUCH AS I ENJOYED PUTTING IT TOGETHER FOR
YOU. ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS YOU MAY EMAIL
ME. I AM ALSO ON ICQ 2709551

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