TWO WISHES

A MAN WALKS UP TO THE BAR WITH AN OSTRICH BEHIND HIM, AND AS HE
SITS DOWN, THE BARTENDER COMES OVER AND ASKS FOR THEIR ORDER.
THE MAN SAYS, "I'LL HAVE A BEER," AND TURNS TO THE OSTRICH.
"WHAT'S YOURS?" "I'LL HAVE A BEER TOO," SAYS THE OSTRICH.

THE BARTENDER POURS THE BEER AND SAYS, "THAT WILL BE $2.53
PLEASE," AND THE MAN REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND PULLS OUT
THE EXACT CHANGE FOR PAYMENT. THE NEXT DAY THE MAN AND THE
OSTRICH COME IN AGAIN, AND THE MAN SAYS, "I'LL HAVE A BEER,"
AND THE OSTRICH SAYS, "I'LL HAVE THE SAME." ONCE AGAIN THE MAN
REACHES INTO HIS POCKET AND PAYS WITH THE EXACT CHANGE.

THIS BECOMES A ROUTINE UNTIL, ONE EVENING THE TWO ENTER 
AGAIN. "THE USUAL?" ASKS THE BARTENDER. "WELL, IT'S CLOSE TO
CLOSING SO I'LL HAVE A LARGE BEER SAYS THE MAN. "SAME FOR ME,"
SAYS THE OSTRICH." "THAT WILL BE $6.29 SAYS THE BARTENDER." 
ONCE AGAIN THE MAN PULLS THE EXACT CHANGE OUT OF HIS POCKET
AND PLACES IT ON THE BAR.

THE BARTENDER CAN'T HOLD BACK HIS CURIOSITY ANY LONGER. 
"EXCUSE ME SIR. HOW DO YOU MANAGE TO ALWAYS COME UP WITH THE
EXACT CHANGE OUT OF YOUR POCKET EVERY TIME?"

"WELL," SAYS THE MAN, "SEVERAL YEARS AGO I WAS CLEANING THE
ATTIC AND FOUND AN OLD LAMP. WHEN I RUBBED IT A GENIE
APPEARED AND OFFERED ME TWO WISHES. MY FIRST WISH WAS THAT
IF I EVER HAD TO PAY FOR ANYTHING, I JUST PUT MY HAND IN MY
POCKET AND THE RIGHT AMOUNT WILL ALWAYS BE THERE."

"THAT'S BRILLIANT!" SAYS THE BARTENDER. "MOST PEOPLE WOULD
WISH FOR A MILLION DOLLARS OR SOMETHING, BUT YOU'LL ALWAYS
BE AS RICH AS YOU WANT TO LIVE!"

"THAT'S RIGHT! WHETHER IT'S A GALLON OF MILK OR A ROLLS ROYCE, 
THE EXACT MONEY IS ALWAYS THERE," SAYS THE MAN.

THE BARTENDER ASKS, "ONE OTHER THING SIR, WHAT'S WITH THE
OSTRICH?" THE MAN REPLIES, "MY SECOND WISH WAS ALWAYS TO
HAVE A LONG LEGGED CHICK BY MY SIDE.

MY QUESTION
ALSO

A MOTHER AND BABY CAMEL ARE TALKING ONE DAY WHEN
THE BABY CAMEL ASKS, "MOM WHY HAVE I GOT THESE
HUGE THREE-TOED FEET?" THE MOTHER REPLIES, "WELL
SON, WHEN WE TREK ACROSS THE DESERT YOUR TOES
WILL HELP YOU TO STAY ON TOP OF THE SAND."
"OKAY," SAID THE SON. A FEW MINUTES LATER THE SON
ASKS, "MOM, WHY HAVE I GOT THESE GREAT BIG EYELASHES?"
"THEY ARE THERE TO KEEP THE SAND OUT OF YOUR EYES
ON THE TRIPS THROUGH THE DESERT," "THANKS MOM,"
REPLIES THE SON.
AFTER A SHORT WHILE, THE SON RETURNS AND ASKS, "MOM,
WHY HAVE I GOT THESE GREAT BIG HUMPS ON MY BACK?"
"THEY ARE TO HELP YOU STORE FAT FOR OUR LONG TREKS
ACROSS THE DESERT, SO WE CAN GO WITHOUT WATER FOR
FOR LONG PERIODS." "THAT'S GREAT MOM, SO WE HAVE
HUGE FEET TO KEEP US FROM SINKING, AND BIG EYELASHES
TO KEEP THE SAND FROM OUT EYES, THESE HUMPS TO STORE
WATER, BUT MOM..." "YES SON?"

"WHY THE HECK ARE WE IN A ZOO?"
MAKES YOU WONDER - TOM
THANKS BarbB4Fun

REPAIRMAN AND BULLDOG

MRS. JONES'S DISHWASHER QUIT WORKING, SO SHE DECIDED
TO CALL A REPAIRMAN. HE COULDN'T ACCOMMODATE HER WITH
AN EVENING APPOINTMENT, AND SINCE SHE HAD TO GO TO 
WORK THE NEXT DAY, SHE TOLD HIM: "I'LL LEAVE THE KEY
UNDER THE MAT. FIX THE DISHWASHER, LEAVE THE BILL ON
THE COUNTER, AND I'LL MAIL YOU THE CHECK. BY THE WAY,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT MY BULLDOG. HE WON'T BOTHER YOU.
BUT WHATEVER YOU DO, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT.
WHEN THE REPAIRMAN ARRIVED AT MRS. JONES'S APARTMENT
HE DISCOVERED THE BIGGEST AND MEANEST LOOKING BULLDOG
HE HAD EVER SEEN.

BUT, LIKE SHE SAID, THE DOG JUST LAY THERE ON THE FLOOR
WATCHING THE REPAIRMAN GO ABOUT HIS BUSINESS. BUT THE
WHOLE TIME HE WAS THERE, THE PARROT DROVE HIM NUTS

WITH HIS INCESSANT YELLING AND NAME CALLING.
FINALLY THE REPAIRMAN COULDN'T CONTAIN HIMSELF ANY
LONGER AND YELLED: "SHUT UP ALREADY STUPID BIRD!"
TO WHICH THE PARROT REPLIED: "GO GET HIM, BRUTIS!"

"ouch"

IN CASE YOU DON'T KNOW SISSY. SHE IS A VERY 
COMPASSIONATE ANIMAL LOVER AND THE OWNER OF
 8 FURBABY'S. GUESS WHAT? NOW IT IS 9. READ THE 
FOLLOWING ADOPTION ANNOUNCEMENT.  

PARENTS:  Sissy & Buddy Holland

DATE:         April 7, 2000

FURKITTY:  Nay-Nay

WITNESS:   Dr. Paul Symms

FORMER
PARENTS: Mr/Mrs/Miss Joe/Jane Cruelty

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Please join us in welcoming Nay-Nay to our family.  Pray for us as we
introduce this cutie-patoodie to her new 8 brothers.

   Nay-Nay comes to us from my three teenage grandkids, who found her in
a ditch on their way home from school last Friday.  Thank God they
didn't walk on by as I'm sure many had done already. Thank you kids for
not recoiling from the sight of her ragged, greasy, sick body..for not
minding getting your clothes soiled by rescuing her.

 She could not see them as her eyes were matted and crusted shut.  She
could not hear them call as her ears were totally encrusted in grease
and congestion. Her gray fur was matted and discolored by grease and
fleas.

   She could not eat since her precious little nose was so matted over
and bubbling with infection as she struggled to breathe.  She could
stand only with assistance. She laid humbly in Traci's lap on her pretty
dress; and I'm sure now she felt the kindness in her hands as she held
her and stroked her poor body on the way to my house.

  She had a temp of 105.6 degrees and infection rattled with every
breath.  She weighed in at the whopping grand total of 3 lbs. 2 0zs. and
appears to be about 5 years old.

   But yet this tiny, greasy little ball of matted gray fur has charmed
the socks off everyone she has met since Friday.  She is still in the
hospital, but she is going to pull through.  Hopefully, we will be
bringing her home in another day or two.

   Dr. Symms, his assistant, Penny, and all the nurses just go on and on
about this tiny coo-baby.  He told us how even while drawing blood from
her emaciated leg, she cooed like a dove.  "Just touch her lightly with
one finger anywhere on her thin body and she coos and rolls over for you
to rub her tummy." Thank you Dr.Symms for being so caring and
compassionate.

~~~~"WELCOME TO OUR FAMILY NAY-NAY"~~~

~You can sleep well, precious furbaby..Nothing and no one else will ever
get the chance to cause you any more pain.~

           - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
           - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

PERSONAL MESSAGE TO JOHN/JANE CRUELTY:  ~~~~~~

...May your nights be filled with nightmares until you realize what you
have done to this tiny, precious creature that God made...

...May you think of what you did every time you look at a skillet of
grease and get sick at the sight of it...

...May you think of her every time you pass a ditch, any ditch, until
you realize the pain you have caused Nay-Nay...

...May you always wonder what happened to this beautiful furkitty...

...May you see her beautiful, little face every time you see or hear the
word "kitty."                   

...May you tremble at the thought of every cruel act you have ever done
or thought about doing to this furbaby or any other furbaby...

...May you hear her cries every time you shut your eyes to sleep....

...Above all, may you finally pray for God's forgiveness for your
horrible atrocities to this baby.  May God grant you that forgiveness.
May you do many wonderful things from then on to help make amends for
Nay-Nay's pain and suffering.  Then and only then can I forgive you for
what you did to her.

May God forgive you,
Sissy Holland

NOTE FROM TOM: MAY GOD BLESS YOU SISSY FOR YOUR
KINDNESS. I THINK WE SHOULD ALL THANK HER.
SISSY EMAIL IS   cc8kitties@webtv.net 
TID-BITS 20 DEDICATED TO YOU.

~CREE INDIAN PROPHECY~

ONLY AFTER THE LAST TREE HAS BEEN CUT DOWN
ONLY AFTER THE LAST RIVER HAS BEEN POISONED
ONLY AFTER THE LAST FISH HAS BEEN CAUGHT
ONLY THEN WILL YOU FIND MONEY CAN NOT BE EATEN.

STRAY ANIMALS

WHY ME

I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M HOMELESS AND NO ONE CARES FOR ME,
I'VE TRIED TO BE A GOOD LITTLE PUP, GOOD AS ANY DOG CAN BE.

I HAD A HOME FOR A LITTLE WHILE BUT ONE DAY I HEARD THEM SAY,
"YOU CAN'T KEEP THIS FEMALE DOG AROUND," SO THEY TOOK ME AWAY.

THEY LEFT ME ON A LONELY ROAD, NO SHELTER AND FOOD FOR A PUP.
I WAITED EACH DAY FOR THEIR RETURN, BUT NOW I'VE GIVEN UP.

THERE'S ONLY ONE THAT KNOWS I'M HERE, THAT KNOWS OF MY AWFUL PLIGHT,
A KITTEN THAT SEARCHES FOR FOOD THROUGH THE DAY, I HEAR HER CRY AT NIGHT.

SHE LIVES BENEATH A PILE OF WOOD, SO SMALL, SO SCARED, SO THIN.
TO ABANDON A KITTEN SO SMALL AND FRAIL, SEEMS A TERRIBLE SIN.

HELP US, DEAR GOD, THIS KITTEN AND ME, SO HUNGRY AND SO ALONE,
GUIDE SOME KIND SOUL TO FIND US AND GIVE US A HOME, SWEET HOME.

HOPE YOU ENJOYED TID-BITS 20.
I ALSO HOPE THAT YOU FOUND ALL YOUR EASTER EGGS.

IF NOT, PLEASE WATCH WHERE YOU STEP.

WELL READERS, LESS THEN A MONTH BEFORE THE
HOUSEBOAT TRIP. I HAVE BEEN NOTIFIED THAT
THERE ARE SOME CRITTERS OUT ON THE RIVER
WAITING FOR US.


I THOUGHT THAT IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN FISH BUT
NO SUCH LUCK. I AM NOT TO SURE NOW THAT I
WANT TO MAKE THE TRIP. :-(

PLEASE, WHEN YOU GET TIME VISIT MY WILDLIFE SITE.
http://wildlife-help.org 

any comments, suggestions, remarks e-mail me 

here

IF YOU LIKED TID-BITS, PLEASE PASS IT ON
TO YOUR FRIENDS AND ASK THEM TO  SUBSCRIBE.
HUGS TO ALL, TOM

one more Easter wish

CLICK
(RUN FROM CURRANT LOCATION)
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A BIG THANKS TO DOT PHILLIPS FER CHECKING
MY SPELLINK.

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