Tid Bits #19

THE SECRET

A LITTLE TURTLE BEGINS TO CLIMB A TREE SLOWLY.
AFTER LONG HOURS OF EFFORT, HE REACHES THE TOP,
JUMPS INTO THE AIR WAVING HIS FRONT LEGS, UNTIL
HE CRASHES HEAVILY INTO THE GROUND WITH A HARD
KNOCK ON HIS SHELL.

AFTER RECOVERING HIS CONSCIOUSNESS, HE STARTS
TO CLIMB THE TREE AGAIN, JUMPS AGAIN, AND KNOCKS
THE GROUND HEAVILY AGAIN. THE LITTLE TURTLE
PERSISTED AGAIN AND AGAIN WHILE A COUPLE OF
CROWS SITTING AT THE EDGE OF A BRANCH, WATCHED
THE TURTLE WITH PAIN.

SUDDENLY THE FEMALE CROW SAYS TO THE MALE,
"HEY DEAR, I THINK IT'S TIME TO TELL OUR LITTLE
TURTLE HE IS ADOPTED."

THE FROG AND THE PRINCESS

ONCE UPON A TIME, A BEAUTIFUL, INDEPENDENT, SELF ASSURED PRINCESS HAPPENED UPON A FROG IN A POND.

THE FROG SAID TO THE PRINCESS. "I WAS ONCE A HANDSOME PRINCE UNTIL AN EVIL WITCH PUT A SPELL
ON ME. ONE KISS FROM YOU AND I WILL TURN BACK INTO A PRINCE AND THEN WE CAN MARRY, MOVE INTO THE CASTLE WITH MY MOM AND YOU CAN PREPARE MY MEALS. CLEAN MY CLOTHES, BEAR MY CHILDREN AND FOREVER
FEEL HAPPY DOING SO."

THAT NIGHT, WHILE THE PRINCESS DINED ON FROG LEGS, SHE KEPT LAUGHING AND SAYING, "I DON'T THINK SO."

GOVERNMENT STORY

A CHEMICAL ENGINEER, AN ACCOUNTANT AND A GOVERNMENT
WORKER ARE ARGUING ABOUT WHO HAS THE SMARTEST DOG.
THE ENGINEER CALLS HIS DOG AND SAYS "LITER, DO YOUR STUFF."
LITER GOES TO THE LAB, GRABS A BEAKER IN HIS MOUTH, SETS
IT ON THE FLOOR, GRABS A PITCHER OF WATER AND POURS
EXACTLY FOUR OUNCES OF WATER INTO THE BEAKER, WITHOUT
SPILLING A DROP.

THE ACCOUNTANT SMILES AND SAYS, "GOOD, BUT WATCH THIS.
HE CALLS HIS DOG AND SAYS. "ABACUS, DO YOUR STUFF."
ABACUS GOES TO THE KITCHEN, PULLS OUT A BAG OF COOKIES,
OPENS IT AND COUNTS OUT SIX, WHICH HE ARRANGES ON A
PIECE OF PAPER, WITHOUT BREAKING OR EATING ANY.

THE GOVERNMENT WORKER SNEERS AND YELLS OUT "COFFEE BREAK,

GO FOR IT." COFFEE BREAK COMES IN, EATS THE COOKIES,
DRINKS THE WATER, GROWLS AND THREATENS THE OTHER DOGS,
COMPLAINS THAT IN DOING SO HE STRAINED HIS BACK. LODGES
A HAZARDOUS WORKING CONDITION COMPLAINT, FILES A
DISABILITY CLAIM AND GOES HOME ON SICK LEAVE.

CAT'S BILL OF RIGHTS

1. HUMANS SHALL MAKE NO LAW RESPECTING AN ESTABLISHMENT
OF BOUNDARIES OR PROHIBITING THE FREE EXERCISE THEREIN,
OR ABRIDGING THE FREEDOM OF ACCESS, OR THE RIGHT TO
PEACEFUL ASSEMBLY. IN OTHER WORDS: THE CAT IS ENTITLED TO
GO OUTSIDE ANYTIME SHE OR HE WANTS.

2. A WELL-CARRIED PROVISIONAL CHAMBER, BEING NECESSARY TO
THE FULFILLMENT OF A FELINE'S WHIMS, SHALL NOT BE IN
INFRINGED. IN OTHER WORDS: THE CAT IS ENTITLED TO EAT ANY
TIME SHE OR HE WANTS.

3. THE RIGHT OF THE FELINE TO BE SECURE IN THEIR DOMAIN, AND
EFFECTS, AGAINST UNREASONABLE DISCOMPOSURE, SHALL
NOT BE VIOLATED. IN OTHER WORDS: THE CAT IS ENTITLED
TO SLEEP ANYTIME SHE OR HE WANTS.

4. HUMANS SHALL ISSUE NO WARRANTS OR DECREES OR EDICTS
AS PRESCRIBED TO THE DEMARCATION OF POSSESSIONS OR
PROPERTY WHICH ARE IN DIRECT CONFLICT WITH RIGHT OF LIFE,
LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF FELINE AFFIRMATION. IN OTHER
WORDS: THE CAT IS ENTITLED TO SLEEP ANYWHERE SHE OR HE WANTS.

5. THE FELINE SHALL BE IMMUNE TO ALL CRIMINAL ACCUSATIONS,
INDICTMENTS, AND COMPLAINTS. THE ACCUSED SHALL ENJOY THE
RIGHT TO A SPEEDY AND IMPARTIAL DISMISSAL OF ANY AND ALL
CHARGES PROVIDED SAID FELINE'S COMPULSORY RIGHT TO OBTAIN
ANY OR ALL WITNESSES, INCLUDING CHARACTER WITNESSES, ARE
OBTAINED IN HIS FAVOR. IN OTHER WORDS: CATS CAN DO ANYTHING
THEY WANT AS LONG AS IT IS CUTE.

6. NEITHER SERFDOM, VASSALAGE, OR INVOLUNTARY SERVITUDE WILL
BE TOLERATED, EXCEPT BY SAID CATS IN PROPRIETORSHIP OF THEIR
HUMANS. IN OTHER WORDS: WHAT I SAY GOES. (AND I CAN SLEEP ON
YOUR FACE...)

7. NO CANIS FAMILIARIS SHALL, IN TIME OF PEACE OR AT ANY OTHER
TIME, BE QUARTERED IN ANY DWELLING WITHOUT THE CONSENT OF
THE POTENTATE, NOR IN TIME OF WAR, BUT IN A MANNER TO BE
PRESCRIBED BY SOVEREIGN. IN OTHER WORDS: NO DOGS IN THE
HOUSE WITHOUT MY PERMISSION.

8. THE RIGHT OF THE FELINE TO BE PROTECTED AGAINST
UNREASONABLE SEARCH AND SEIZURES SHALL NOT BE BREACHED OR
INFRINGED UPON AT ANY TIME OR ANY PLACE. IN OTHER WORDS:
DON'T DISTURB ME WHEN I AM SLEEPING IN A DRAWER.

WOW, THIS IS DEEP STUFF. TOM

WOULD YOU BELIEVE?

ON FRIDAY, A THREE YEAR OLD BOY IN BROOKSVILLE, ILLINOIS
FELL EIGHTEEN FEET INTO A ZOO ENCLOSURE CONTAINING
SEVEN GORILLAS.

HE WAS IMMEDIATELY RESCUED, NOT BY ZOOKEEPERS, BUT
BY ONE OF THE ANIMALS. THE 150 LB. FEMALE GORILLA
PICKED UP THE UNCONSCIOUS FORM OF THE BOY AND LAID
IT AT A DOOR TO BE EASILY RETRIEVED BY THE ZOOKEEPERS.
THIS CROSS-SPECIES RESCUE HAS RESULTED IN THOUSANDS
OF DOLLARS IN DONATIONS TO THE ZOO. IT IS PERHAPS
BECAUSE OF THESE DONATIONS THAT ZOOKEEPERS HAVE
KEPT QUIET ABOUT ONE VITAL DETAIL, A HASTILY SCRAWLED
NOTE TUCKED IN THE BOY'S COLLAR, "THANKS, BUT WE
PREFER VEGETABLES."

HEAVEN'S DOGGY-DOOR

MY BEST FRIEND CLOSED HIS EYES LAST NIGHT,
AS HIS HEAD WAS IN MY HAND.
THE DOCTORS SAID HE WAS IN PAIN,
AND IT WAS HARD TO FOR HIM TO STAND.

THE THOUGHTS THAT SCURRIED THROUGH MY HEAD,
AS I CRADLED HIM IN MY ARMS.
WERE OF HIS YOUNGER, PUPPY YEARS,
AND OH...HIS MANY CHARMS.

TODAY, THERE WAS NO GENTLE NUDGE
WITH AN INTENSE "I LOVE YOU GAZE",
ONLY A HEART THAT'S FILLED WITH TEARS
REMEMBERING OUR JOY FILLED DAYS.

BUT AN ANGEL JUST APPEARED TO ME,
AND SHE SAID, "YOU SHOULD CRY NO MORE,
GOD ALSO LOVES ALL OUR PETS.
HE'S INSTALLED A "DOGGY-DOOR!"

TO RAINBOW BRIDGE!
(DEDICATED TO KRISTEN)

THAT'S IT FOR TID-BITS 19

I SURE HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT AND COME BACK FOR MORE.
WE ARE GETTING QUITE EXCITED ABOUT OUR HOUSEBOAT TRIP ON THE
ST. JOHNS RIVER. WE INTEND TO LEAVE FROM HOLLY BLUFF MARINA IN

(CLICK)
DELAND AND CRUISE UP AND DOWN THE RIVER TAKING IN ALL THE BEAUTIFUL
SCENERY AND WILDLIFE. I MIGHT EVEN WET A LINE. THIS IS WHAT YOU CALL
"ROUGHING IT." THE HOUSEBOATS ARE FULLY EQUIPPED. I AM TRYING TO
FIGURE WHERE I AM GOING TO PUT THE COMPUTER. LOL

DO YOU BELIEVE THEY ARE GOING TO TRUST ME WITH THIS CRAFT.

NOW TAKE A GOOD LOOK AT THE HOUSEBOAT BECAUSE THIS IS THE WAY WE
WILL BE COMING BACK AT THE END OF THE TRIP.
HELP!
JUST KIDDING FOLKS. WE WILL BE LEAVING ON THE 5TH OF MAY AND
RETURNING ON THE 12th OF MAY.
PLEASE VISIT MY WILDLIFE REHABILITATION SITE http://wildlife-help.org

CLICK TO EMAIL ME

Love you all and God Bless. Thanks for the kind words.
Please don't stop. Tom (:>)

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