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HAVE A HAPPY GREEN DAY
A TRUE
BOND
"THANK
YOU SON"
THREE SUCCESSFUL
IRISH BROTHERS COMPARED THEIR WEALTH BY
THE PRESENTS THEY HAD RECENTLY SENT THEIR MOTHER ON HER 75TH
BIRTHDAY.
THOMAS, THE OLDEST, SAID: "I BUILT A BIG MANSION FOR OUR
MOTHER." MIKE, THE SECOND, SAID: "I SENT HER A MERCEDES WITH
A DRIVER." PATRICK, THE YOUNGEST, SAID: "YOU REMEMBER HOW
MAMA USED TO ENJOY READING THE BIBLE? NOW SHE CAN'T SEE
VERY WELL. SO I SENT HER A REMARKABLE PARROT THAT RECITES
THE WHOLE BIBLE... MAMA JUST HAS TO NAME THE CHAPTER AND
VERSE."
A FEW DAYS LATER A LETTER ARRIVED FROM THEIR MOTHER.
"HELLO MY CHILDREN, THOMAS," SHE WROTE, "THE MANSION
YOU BUILT
IS SO HUGE. I LIVE ONLY IN ONE ROOM, BUT I HAVE TO CLEAN THE
WHOLE HOUSE." MIKE, SHE WROTE, "I AM TO OLD TO TRAVEL, I STAY
MOST OF THE TIME AT HOME SO I RARELY USE THE MERCEDES, AND
THAT DRIVER - HE'S A PAIN IN THE NECK."
"BUT PATRICK," SHE WROTE, "THE CHICKEN WAS DELICIOUS!"
CATTAILS IN MY
COFFEE
WHILE CALMLY
SIPPING COFFEE OF THE MORN, AND
AND CONTEMPLATING ON WHY I WAS BORN.
I WATCH THE CAT CLIMB SOFTLY TO MY LAP
TO PRIMP AND PREEN, THEN SETTLE DOWN TO NAP.
AS HE BEGINS TO WASH HIS WHISKERY FACE
HE WILL NOT KEEP HIS WANDERING TAIL IN PLACE.
AND WHILE IT'S WAVING WILDLY IN THE AIR
I TRY TO TRACK IT DOWN-IT'S NEVER THERE.
IT WIGGLES TO THE LEFT AS I REACH RIGHT
AND REBOUNDS AGAIN IN RHYTHMIC DELIGHT.
I RESUME MY REACHING AS IT RISES UP,
THEN COMES DOWN TO COIL IN MY COFFEE CUP.
THE TABBY TURNS TRANSLUCENT EYES TO ME
AS IF TO TELL ME, "THERE! NOW DO YOU SEE?
IF NOT FOR YOU MY TAIL WOULD STILL BE DRY.
"WHY CAN'T YOU HUMANS BE AS CALM AS I?"
AND CLEANING CAFFEINE OFF HIS COPIOUS FUR,
HE CURLS INTO A BALL, BEGINS TO PURR.
A CALL UPON HIS DREAMS HE PLANS TO KEEP,
SO HE PROCEEDS TO PROMPTLY FALL ASLEEP.
Thanks Carolynn B.
CLICK ON
SHAMROCK FOR SURPRISE
(RUN FROM CURRENT LOCATION) "X" TO RETURN. (Thanks Stanley H.)
ENOUGH SAID
ANOTHER
PARROT JOKE
JOHN SMITH NOTICED A PARROT SITTING ON THE SEAT
NEXT TO HIM
IN BUSINESS CLASS. WHEN THE STEWARDESS CAME BY, THE PARROT
NASTILY YELLED: "HEY BIMBO! BRING ME A PEPSI WITH ICE!
AND
MAKE IT SNAPPY!" THE STARTLED STEWARDESS THEN LOOKED AT
MR. SMITH AND ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED TO DRINK. JOHN
ASKED HER TO BRING HIM A ROOT BEER WITH ICE. A FEW MINUTES
LATER THE STEWARDESS RETUNED WITH THE PEPSI FOR THE
PARROT, BUT NOTHING FOR JOHN.
AFTER THE NASTY PARROT FINISHED HIS PEPSI, HE ARROGANTLY
DEMANDED ANOTHER PEPSI WITH ICE. JOHN REMINDED THE
STEWARDESS THAT HE WAS STILL WAITING FOR THE ROOT BEER
HE ORDERED. WHEN THE STEWARDESS RETURNED, SHE HAD THE
PEPSI FOR THE PARROT, BUT AGAIN DID NOT BRING ANYTHING FOR JOHN.
NOW JOHN STARTED TO GET UPSET AT THE STEWARDESS FOR IGNORING
HIM IN FAVOR OF THE RUDE PARROT. SO THE NEXT TIME SHE
APPROACHED HIS SEAT, JOHN YELLED: "HEY, YOU DUMMY! GET ME
MY ROOT BEER! AND NOW DUMMY!"
IMMEDIATELY TWO MALE FLIGHT ATTENDANTS SHOWED UP, GRABBED
BOTH JOHN AND THE PARROT, DRAGGED THEM TO THE DOOR AND
THREW THEM OFF THE PLANE IN MID-AIR. AS THEY WERE FALLING
TO THE GROUND, THE PARROT LOOKED AT JOHN AND SAID:
"YOU SURE GOT GUTS FOR SOMEONE WHO CAN'T FLY."
ANIMAL
SITE AWARD
THE DOORWAY
(CLICK) SUBMITTED BY: MARGET
ARE YOU A VIEWER OR
A DOER?
***A REMINDER,
PLEASE CLICK TO HELP THE RAINFOREST***
ALL IT TAKES IS A COUPLE OF CLICKS.
(CLICK)
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FOOD FOR THOUGHT
BY JANE GOODALL
" SO LET US MOVE INTO
THE NEXT MILLENNIUM WITH HOPE. FOR WITHOUT IT
ALL WE CAN DO IS EAT AND DRINK THE LAST OF OUR RESOURCES AS WE WATCH
OUR PLANET SLOWLY DIE. INSTEAD, LET US HAVE FAITH IN OURSELVES, IN
OUR INTELLECT, IN OUR STAUNCH SPIRIT. LET US DEVELOP RESPECT FOR
ALL LIVING THINGS."
~POWERFUL WORDS - TOM~
I THINK THIS GIRAFFE IS
SENDING US
A MESSAGE.
(CLICK)
(RUN PROGRAM FROM CURRENT LOCATION)
TEN
TOP THINGS TELEVISION TEACHES ABOUT OUR PETS:
1.
DOGGIE SCHOOLS HAVE A 100% DROP OUT RATE.
2. IF SOMEONE FINDS A DOG OR CAT, THEY DON'T WANT IT AT
FIRST, THEN FALL IN LOVE
WITH IT, KEEP IT FOR 15 MINUTES, AND THEN
FIND IT A LOVING HOME WITH A BIG YARD.
3. DOGS KNOW HOW TO TURN ON THE TV AND UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING
THAT'S BEING
SAID. IN FACT ALL PETS ARE SMARTER
THAN THE PEOPLE THAT OWN THEM.
4. PETS NEVER SHED OR HAVE ACCIDENTS ON THE
CARPET.
5.
ALL PET MICE OR SNAKES WILL ESCAPE AT LEAST ONCE AND BE FOUND BY A WOMAN
STANDING ON A CHAIR.
6. EVERY PET WILL EVENTUALLY RUN AWAY FROM HOME BECAUSE OF
HURT FEELINGS.
7. PETS DON'T NEED ANY ATTENTION. AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO FEED
THEM FOR MONTHS.
THEY ARE PERFECTLY HAPPY JUST LYING ON
THE FLOOR NEXT TO YOU, BEING PART OF
THE SCENERY.
8. YOUR CAT WILL HAVE A LITTER OF 10, AND WITHIN 30 MINUTES
EVERY LAST ONE OF THE
KITTENS WILL HAVE FOUND A GOOD HOME
SOMEWHERE.
9. LOST SOMETHING? WHATEVER IT IS, IT'S PROBABLY IN THE DOG
HOUSE OR CAT BASKET.
10. YOUR DOG IS MUCH BETTER KISSER THEN YOUR SPOUSE. AND AT NIGHT YOUR
DOG'S
BACK FEELS EXACTLY LIKE YOUR
SPOUSE'S LEGS.
EVANGELIST DOG
THERE WAS THIS GUY WHO HAD A DOG WHICH
HE WAS ATTEMPTING TO TRAIN,
BUT ALAS HAD VERY LITTLE SUCCESS, HE WAS ON THE VERGE OF DESPAIR WHEN
HE HAPPENED ACROSS A VERY CHARISMATIC EVANGELIST. HE UNBURDENED THIS
TO THE EVANGELIST, WHO PROMPTLY INFORMED HIM TO LEAVE THE DOG WITH
HIM, AND HE WOULD HAVE IT TRAINED IN A JIFFY. THE NEXT DAY THE MAN
RETURNS, AND ASKS THE EVANGELIST HOW IT IS GOING. THE REPLY WAS
POSITIVE, AND THE EVANGELIST CALLS THE DOG TO GIVE A DEMONSTRATION.
PICKING UP A BALL, HE THROWS IT AND SAYS "FETCH." INSTANTLY
THE DOG
TAKES OFF, GRABS THE BALL AND RETURNS. THE EVANGELIST SAYS
"DROP" AND
THE DOG DROPS THE BALL AT HIS FEET. "ROLL OVER" AND THE DOG
ROLLS OVER.
BY THIS TIME THE DOG'S OWNER IS VERY EXCITED AND ASKS IF HE CAN HAVE A
GO.
"SURE," REPLIES THE EVANGELIST. "HEEL,"
SAYS THE OWNER.
AND THE DOG LIFTS ON
PAW, PLACES IT ON THE MAN AND SAYS. I COMMAND THIS
SICKNESS TO LEAVE YOU.
DID YOU KNOW THAT
DOLPHINS ARE SO INTELLIGENT
THAT WITHIN ONLY A FEW WEEKS OF CAPTIVITY,
THEY CAN TRAIN HUMANS TO STAND AT THE EDGE
OF THE POOL AND THROW THEM FISH?
THE EYES IN
THE NIGHT ARE FILLED WITH THE
GENTLE LIGHT OF UNDERSTANDING.
WITH THE DIGNITY AND COURAGE THAT HAS
SPANNED THE WORLD AND THE AGES.
THEY TRAVEL THROUGH THEIR DAILY LIVES
CARING FOR THE YOUNG AND EACH OTHER,
DOING HARM TO NO ONE, ASKING ONLY
TO BE LEFT WITH SOME PART OF THEIR WORLD
INTACT FOR THE NEXT GENERATION OF YOUNG
ONES AND SO THE OLD MAY END THEIR TIME
HERE IN PEACE, WITHOUT FEAR OF THE THE
DEVELOPER'S BULLDOZERS.
TOM
(I
GUESS I WILL GET SOME NASTY EMAIL ON THIS
FROM DEVELOPER'S)
TOM'S EYEBALLS
WELL
ITS GETTING LATE READERS. I HOPE YOU ENJOYED
TID-BITS 18. IF SO COME BACK FOR ANOTHER VISIT. PASS
IT ON TO ALL YOUR FRIENDS.
MY WIFE
AND I WILL BE TAKING A NICE RELAXING VACATION
STARTING ON THE 5 OF MAY UNTIL THE 12 OF MAY.
WE WILL BE RENTING A HOUSEBOAT FOR A QUIET TRIP ON THE
ST. JOHNS RIVER. YES READERS, IT'S BACK TO NATURE.
THIS SHOULD BE QUITE A TRIP FOR A COUPLE OF "LAND LUBBERS."
BOTH OUR DOGS WILL BE GOING WITH US. THIS SHOULD BE AN
EXPERIENCE. I AM GOING TO KEEP A DIARY OF THE TRIP AND I WILL
GIVE ALL OF YOU A RUN-DOWN ON IT IN A FUTURE TID-BITS. (IF YOU
WOULD BE INTERESTED.) PLEASE EMAIL ME AND LET ME KNOW. IT
SHOULD BE QUITE COMICAL. MY WIFE HAS ALREADY STARTED
PACKING AND IT WILL TAKE US ABOUT 2 SEMIS TO TRANSFER
EVERYTHING TO THE BOAT.
I HOPE YOU ENJOYED TID-BITS 18 AND PASS IT ON TO
YOUR
FRIENDS. PLEASE VISIT MY WILDLIFE REHABILITATION PAGE WHEN
YOU GET TIME: http://wildlife-help.org
email trudge@cfl.rr.com
this
page to a friend!
