KEEP A EYE ON YOUR CAT

LITTLE TIM WAS IN THE GARDEN FILLING IN A HOLE WHEN HIS
NEIGHBOR PEERED OVER THE FENCE.

INTERESTED IN WHAT THE CHEEK-FACED YOUNGSTER WAS UP TO,
HE POLITELY ASKED, "WHAT ARE YOU UP TO THERE, TIM?"

"MY GOLDFISH DIED," REPLIED TIM TEARFULLY, WITHOUT
LOOKING UP, "AND I'VE JUST BURIED HIM.

THE NEIGHBOR WAS CONCERNED, "THAT'S AN AWFULLY BIG
HOLE FOR A GOLDFISH, ISN'T IT?"

TIM PATTED DOWN THE LAST HEAP OF EARTH THEN REPLIED,
THAT'S BECAUSE HE'S INSIDE YOUR STUPID CAT.
thanks Dot P

SO YOU WANT TO BE A CAT OWNER  HUH?

FIRSTLY, YOU DON'T OWN A CAT. IT OWNS YOU
WHEN YOU FIRST FALL IN LOVE WITH US, PLEASE REMEMBER THIS:
IT'S HARD TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AS A LEAN - MEAN HUNTING MACHINE
WITH A NAME LIKE FLUFFY WE PREFER TO BE CALLED "TIGER" OR "SPIKE".
FORGET THOSE OTHER SISSY NAMES LIKE "BUBBLES", "POM POM", "MUNCHKINS".
WE DEFINITELY WON'T COME WHEN YOU CALL US.

WHEN WE BRING IN A MOUSE OR SOME OTHER UN-IDENTIFYING CRITTER WE  EXPECT

YOU TO EAT IT. WE ARE GOOD HUNTERS TOO YOU KNOW. MAYBE NOT AS GOOD
AS YOU THOUGH. WE SEE YOU GO OUT HUNTING ONCE A WEEK AND RETURNING
WITH BAGS OF GOODIES. JUST REMEMBER YOU WON'T LET US GO OUT OF THE YARD.

AND ANOTHER THING

PLEASE CLEAN OUT LITTER BOX MORE OFTEN, HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO KEEP
STEPPING IN LITTLE TOOTSIE ROLLS ALL THE TIME.

JUST BECAUSE WE ACT NONCHALANT MOST OF THE TIME IT DOESN'T MEAN WE DON'T
WATCH YOUR BODY LANGUAGE. I GUESS YOU HUMANS NEED TO LEARN OURS.

WHEN YOU BEND DOWN AND SMILE AT ME WATCH MY TAIL, IF IT IS COMPLETELY
STRAIGHT IT MEANS I AM THRILLED TO SEE YOU
WHEN YOU START BANGING THINGS AROUND I KNOW YOU ARE ANGRY, SO I HIDE.
IF YOU SEE MY TAIL TWITCHING THEN YOU BETTER HIDE.

WHEN YOU SHIFT FROM FOOT TO FOOT, TRYING TO MAKE A DECISION, I WAG
MY TAIL TILL I DECIDE, CAN'T HELP IF IT GETS OUT OF CONTROL, SOMETIMES
I GET SO MAD, BECAUSE I DON'T KNOW IF I WANT TO GO OUT OR COME IN THEN
MY TAIL REALLY PICKS UP SPEED.

AND PLEASE DON'T SEND ME OUTSIDE TO SLEEP WHEN YOU HAVE OVERNIGHT
GUESTS, MOST OF THEM HAVE SMELLY FEET ANYWAYS.
I DON'T WANT TO BE A JUNKYARD CAT. JUST LOVE ME, FEED ME, AND CATER TO
TO MY EVERY WHIM.

NOW IF I REALLY GET MAD, I PLAY GAMES

PET'S OF THE MONTH
SUBMITTED BY READER: TARA MURPHY

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE A BIG DOG WHEN:

THE SOUND OF RUNNING WATER MAKES YOU JUMP UP
AND YELL  "GET OUTSIDE!"
YOU TELL YOUR DOG TO SIT, AND HE WALKS AROUND
 UNTIL HE FINDS A COMFORTABLE CHAIR.
IT TAKES 3 PEOPLE AND A BOY TO PUT YOUR DOG 
ON THE SCALE AT THE VETS. 
YOUR WALK YOUR DOG AND EVERYONE KNOWS HIM 
BY NAME, BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE.
HE STEPS ON YOUR FOOT AND IT FEELS LIKE IT WAS RUN
OVER BY A SEMI.
YOU OWN A DOG CAPABLE OF PULLING SOMEONE FROM A
PORT-A-POTTY.
YOU CARRY A TAPE MEASURE WITH YOU WHEN SHOPPING
FOR A NEW CAR.
YOU KEEP AT ONE COLOR-CODED "DROLL TOWEL IN 
IN EVERY ROOM OF YOUR HOUSE.
AFTER BANISHING YOUR HUSBAND, THE SNORING IN YOUR
BEDROOM STILL KEEPS YOU AWAKE.
 YOU ARE HIKING WITH A FRIEND WHO LATER SUGGESTS THAT YOU OUGHT TO HAVE A ENVIRONMENTAL IMPACT STUDY DONE ON THE DOG.
YOU TOSS YOUR DOG A BALL AND CRINGE WHEN HE 
ALMOST HITS HIS HEAD ON THE TOP OF THE DOORWAY.
YOU TAKE YOUR DOG FOR A RIDE AND HE RESTS HIS HEAD
ON YOUR ARM, CAUSING YOU TO MAKE RANDOM RIGHT TURNS.
YOU HAVE GIVEN UP ON WATER BOWLS AND JUST USE THE BATHTUB.
YOU GO TO VACUUM YOUR CAR AND MOST TO THE FUR IS UP ON 
ON THE CEILING .
THE MONTHLY DOG FOOD BUDGET EXCEEDS YOUR HOME MORTGAGE PAYMENT.
YOUR VETERINARIAN HAS BEEN ABLE PURCHASE A SWIMMING
POOL, BUILD A LARGE HOME, BUY A NEW BOAT AND A VACATION
HOME IN FLORIDA.
THE PIZZA DELIVERY PEOPLE TELL YOU TO MEET THEM AT THE
END OF THE DRIVEWAY.
YOUR DOG ROMPS AROUND THE HOUSE AND YOUR NEIGHBOR
CALLS 911 REPORTING A IMPENDING EARTHQUAKE.

NOAH'S ARK

      ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED FROM NOAH'S ARK

1.   PLAN AHEAD. IT WASN'T RAINING WHEN NOAH BUILT THE ARK

2.   STAY FIT. WHEN YOU'RE 600 YEARS OLD, SOMEONE MIGHT ASK YOU
      TO DO SOMETHING REALLY BIG.

3.   DON'T LISTEN TO CRITICS - DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE.

4.   BUILD ON HIGH GROUND.

5.   FOR SAFETY'S SAKE, TRAVEL IN PAIRS.

6.   TWO HEADS ARE BETTER THEN ONE.

7.   SPEED ISN'T ALWAYS AN ADVANTAGE. THE CHEETAHS WERE ON
      BOARD, BUT SO WERE THE SNAILS.

8.   IF YOU CAN'T FIGHT OR FLEE -- FLOAT!

9.   TAKE CARE OF YOUR ANIMALS AS IF THEY WERE THE LAST ONES
      ON EARTH.

10.  DON'T FORGET THAT WE'RE ALL IN THE SAME BOAT.

11.  WHEN THE DOO-DOO GETS REALLY DEEP, DON'T SIT THERE AND
       COMPLAIN --SHOVEL.

12.  STAY BELOW DECK DURING THE STORM.

13.  REMEMBER THAT THE ARK WAS BUILT BY AMATEURS AND THE
       TITANIC WAS BUILT BY PROFESSIONALS.

14.  IF YOU HAVE TO START OVER, HAVE A FRIEND BY YOUR SIDE.

15.  REMEMBER THAT THE WOODPECKERS INSIDE ARE OFTEN A
       BIGGER THREAT THAN THE STORM OUTSIDE.

16.  DON'T MISS THE BOAT.

17.  NO MATTER HOW BLEAK IT LOOKS, THERE'S ALWAYS A RAINBOW
       ON THE OTHER SIDE.

Thanks Carol
  

 
HUNGRY HAWK LOSES FIGHT FOR CHIHUAHUA
(FORT WALTON BEACH DAILY NEWS)

THIS IS TRUE (LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU THINK OF IT).

BLUEWATER BAY--THE ONLY REMNANTS OF MONDAY'S BATTLE IN THE
FRONT YARD OF THE BLUEWATER BAY DUPLEX ARE FLATTENED SHRUBS
AND A BUSTED DRAINPIPE.
THE WILDLY BEATING WINGS OF A HUNGRY HAWK AND THE SHRILL
CRIES OF THE TINY DOG ARE GONE.
BUT IF YOU LISTENED HARD ENOUGH TUESDAY, YOU MIGHT STILL MAKE
OUT ONE FIERCE SHRIEK RINGING OUT OVER THE COZY PANHANDLE
COMMUNITY OF NICEVILLE.

"DROP THE CHIHUAHUA!"

SANDY,  ARTIST AND DOG OWNER, DIDN'T KNOW WHY BANDITA FROZE
AT THE END OF HER MONDAY WALK. ANNOYED BY THE IDEA HER
3-YEAR OLD CHIHUAHUA WAS PLAYING "ONE OF HER STUBBORN DOG
GAMES," SANDY TUGGED HER 5-FOOT LEASH.
IN A SWOOSH, BANDITA WAS AIRBORNE, CLUTCHED IN THE TALONS
OF A HAWK. THE BIRD, LATER IDENTIFIED BY VETERINARIANS AS A
JUVENILE RED-TAILED HAWK, HAD EVIDENTLY RESORTED TO PRAYING
ON PETS BECAUSE OF A WING INJURY.
SANDY SAID SHE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE INS AND OUTS OF WHY A
A HAWK WAS LYING IN WAIT IN HER NEIGHBOR'S BUSHES. SHE HAD A
6-POUND CHIHUAHUA TO LIBERATE.
"HERE I AM YELLING, 'DROP THE CHIHUAHUA! DROP THE CHIHUAHUA'"
SHE SAID. "I AM SURPRISED I DIDN'T SCARE THE HAWK AWAY. I HAD NO
IDEA THEY HAD THAT MUCH TENACITY--I'VE BEEN HUNGRY BEFORE,
BUT I'VE NEVER HELD ON TO FOOD THAT MUCH."
SANDY DID WHAT ANY OTHER 61-YEAR OLD GRANDMOTHER WOULD DO
WHEN HER BELOVED PET FACED BECOMING A MEAL FOR A 3-POUND
HAWK WITH 2-INCH TALONS: SHE BEAT THE BIRD INTO SUBMISSION.
AFTER A BLOW TO THE HEAD, THE BIRD DROPPED TO THE GROUND--
ITS CLAWS STILL IN BANDITA--AND SANDY STOMPED HER FOOT INTO ITS
BELLY. WHEN THAT DIDN'T WORK, THE GRANDMOTHER YANKED THE
LEASH, AND ALL ANIMALS ATTACHED TO IT, INTO THE HOUSE,
JOCKEYING UNTIL THE HAWK'S LEGS WERE LINED UP WITH THE  DOOR
JAMB. A FEW DOOR SLAMS, AND A WOUNDED BANDITA WAS FREE.
SANDY COLLECTED HER POOCH AND RUSHED IT TO THE VETERINARIAN.
SHORTLY AFTER BANDITA'S SCRAPES AND PUNCTURE WOUNDS HAD
BEEN TENDED, THE VET'S DOOR OPENED UP BY MEMBERS OF THE
AUDUBON SOCIETY. THE HAWK LOST ONLY ONE FEATHER AND IS
EXPECTED TO MAKE A FULL RECOVERY.

A DOG SITS WAITING

A DOG SITS WAITING IN THE COLD AUTUMN SUN
TO FAITHFUL TO LEAVE, TO FRIGHTENED TO RUN.

HE'S BEEN HERE FOR DAYS NOW WITH NOTHING TO DO
BUT SIT BY THE ROAD, WAITING FOR YOU.

HE CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU LEFT HIM THAT DAY.
HE THOUGHT YOU AND HE WERE STOPPING TO PLAY.

HE'S SURE YOU'LL COME BACK, AND THAT'S WHY HE STAYS
HOW LONG WILL HE SUFFER? HOW MANY MORE DAYS?

HIS LEGS HAVE GROWN WEAK, HIS THROAT IS PARCHED AND DRY.
HE'S SICK NOW FROM HUNGER, AND FALLS WITH A SIGH.

HE LAYS DOWN HIS HEAD AND CLOSES HIS EYES.
I WISH YOU ALL COULD SEE HOW A WAITING DOG DIES.

IT HAPPENS EVERY DAY.

I HOPE ALL OF YOU HAVE A WONDERFUL AND PROSPEROUS 
NEW YEAR. PLEASE LET ME KNOW YOUR COMMENTS, AND 
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